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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028825">could you tell the truth so i don't have to lie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_nutcracker/pseuds/no_nutcracker'>no_nutcracker</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First part is very episode-related, Lancelot Lives, Merlin &amp; Morgana Friendship (Merlin), Morgana does not suddenly turn evil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:55:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,918</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_nutcracker/pseuds/no_nutcracker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin does not poison Morgana.<br/>She poisons herself.<br/>This is the aftermath.</p>
<p>Or, Merlin and Morgana's friendship lives on and thrives.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lancelot &amp; Merlin (Merlin), Merlin &amp; Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin &amp; Morgana (Merlin), Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>234</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. If you're feeling lonely you should tell me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Can I just say it?<br/>I love these two so much.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is simple.</p><p>It's starts small.</p><p>It's a silly what if.</p><p>Merlin doesn't poison Morgana. He tells her about what Morgause did to link her to the sleeping spell and how it is putting everyone in the knights of Medor's way at risk. Not just Uther. He tells her what needs to happen if they want Camelot to survive.</p><p>And Morgana choses to take the poison.</p><p>*</p><p>It is still a long year for the both of them. </p><p>*</p><p>Morgana is on fire. She had feared the pyre, feared the flames licking her body, burning her skin and boiling her blood. Turning her organs into ashes.</p><p>It is not the pyre that takes her but a poison she swallowed herself.</p><p>It does not feel like a victory. Not during the rare times she is conscious, not when she wakes up and sees her sister at her bedside, not when she recovers. Because somehow Uther won. She has Magic and she burned for it. All the while, Uther lives and walks his precious castle and continues to burn people.</p><p>She loathes him. </p><p>She is still afraid of him but less so. If burning alive taught her something it's that Uther's hatred can never defeat her.</p><p>She thinks of Merlin sometimes. <strike>Not of Arthur that must be worried and whose head Uther is filling with lies. Not of sweet Gwen who has spent everyday with her since her arrival in Camelot.</strike> She thinks about his guileless eyes and the pain she saw in them when she was dying. She recalls the way he accepted her Magic, helped her deal with it. How he tried to hide her with the druids, away from Camelot. How he was willing to sacrifice himself if it meant she would not be lonely anymore. </p><p>In truth, she thinks about him all the time, but especially when her sister's teaching becomes too much and  her presence stifling. She remembers the weight of his friendship and thinks: <em>you're wrong sister. People without Magic are not all like Uther</em>. </p><p>*</p><p>Merlin is afraid for Morgana.</p><p>What if she did not make it? What if she did and Morgause succeeds in further poisoning her mind? What if she rebelled against her sister and Morgause killed her?</p><p>What if the next time a patrol goes in search of Lady Morgana, they come back with her dead body?</p><p>Merlin has nightmares about that day. About offering the poisoned vial. About Morgana drinking it. About the choking sounds she made. About holding her convulsing body in his arms.</p><p>He prays to the goddess that she is alright. Safe. And Alive. </p><p>Please Goddess, let her be alive.</p><p>*</p><p>It is still a long year but they are not burdened with the sting of betrayal. That makes it more bearable.</p><p>*</p><p>It is not all roses and sunshine.<br/>When Morgana comes back, she still lies and pretends the evil witch Morgause kidnapped her and treaded her as poorly as an enemy of Camelot would.</p><p>She still poisons Uther's mind and helps her sister in bringing the undead army in Camelot.</p><p>Because she remembers the excruciating fire and wants Uther to pay. Because most of Camelot's people never put a fight when a sorcerer or someone falsely accused of it is caught and murdered. They only watch the executioner do his job. Some are even as pleased as the King is.</p><p>Merlin still runs to join her.</p><p>(More easily than he would have in another world. Obviously, there are no serkets' bites in this universe, because Morgana never revealed her friend's presence to her sister. She never let Merlin be hurt. She had no reason to.)</p><p>'We can find another way.'</p><p>'There is no other way.'</p><p>Yet, she doesn't stop Merlin when he goes to empty the cup.</p><p>Later, she lies and tells her sister she was knocked out and woke up to find the cup lying empty on the ground.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana still hates Uther and wants him dead and gone. She wants Magic to be restored in Camelot <strike>no matter what the cost</strike>.</p><p>But she also has Merlin in her corner, not against her, and that makes a difference.</p><p>*</p><p>She honestly laughs during that mess with the goblin.</p><p>She finds it less hilarious once she lets go of gases.</p><p>The words 'there is evil in your heart' put a dampener on her mood and she has to wonder if it was really the goblin speaking or Gaius.</p><p>*</p><p>She asks Merlin.</p><p>'He would not be the first to think you're turning evil,' he says.</p><p>Morgana would wince if not for the way Merlin is acting. He is not fearful or wary but pensive. He looks at her thoughtfully and says: 'No one can make you evil, Morgana. What you choose to do is up to you. Not Uther, nor your sister.' His eyes harden. 'Nor destiny. Make your own path.'</p><p>'Personally I do not think you evil,' he ends as he leaves.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana is not evil. Morgause keeps saying it. But Morgause is also really fierce in her beliefs and violent in her ways. Morgana understands, you have to do terrible things to fight someone as nefarious as Uther Pendragon.</p><p>Still, it feels better hearing it from someone other than her sister. Someone other than Gwen whom she can not talk to (and who now makes googly eyes at Arthur. How did this happen?!). Someone other than Gaius who reports everything to the King.</p><p>Merlin is her friend and she has never been more thankful that he knows her secret and accepts her than she is now.</p><p>*</p><p>Merlin is persecuted by Kilgharrah. </p><p>The Dragon keeps saying that he is '<em>making the wrong choice</em>', and should '<em>get rid of the witch before it is too late</em>' and that his '<em>willingness to see goodness in people will be [his] undoing</em>'.</p><p>'What good is being a good person if it is not to help others?'</p><p>(Merlin is not a good person. He killed too many people to be one. But he is trying and it should count for something.)</p><p>'Being good and kind means being able to forgive people and offer them second chances, Kilgharrah. Like I did with you.' The dragon glares. 'It doesn't make me an idiot. I may not always know what I'm doing but I am sure trusting Morgana is not a mistake.'</p><p>'You will one day, young warlock,' the cryptic lizard says before disappearing the goddess knows where.</p><p>Merlin once said that Morgana is his friend and that he shan't abandon her. Well, Morgana <em>is</em> his friend and he is keeping true to his promise.</p><p>If the sodding dragon can't bear it he can sod off.</p><p>*</p><p>He orders Kilgharrah to help him save her.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana tells Morgause about GwenandArthur.</p><p>She honestly did not mean anything by it. She was only shaking her head incredulously because <em>Gwen and Arthur</em>? What does her good hearted maid find in that oaf?</p><p>But Morgause listened and planned to use it to remove Arthur from existence.</p><p>Morgana is torn about that. She always thought of Arthur as her reckless little brother (and now it happens that he truly is her little brother and Morgana shudders to think about how it happened) and it meant he was hers. </p><p>Family. </p><p>To protect (often against himself).</p><p>However, Arthur is also more like Uther than she is comfortable with. He raided druid camps (and does it matter that he did not want to when he still did it?), he is present at executions, he hunts sorcerers  without an ounce of remorse. He did not believe his own mother's words about Uther using Magic to give birth to him.</p><p>He did not lift a finger when Uther raged against her and choked her throat with his fist. </p><p>Morgana reluctantly admits that she loves Arthur. But it may not be wise to leave him take the throne once Uther dies. Morgana could take it by order of birth but Arthur would probably fight for it. The people and the nobles, the knights and the Council, they would all side with him because he is the Heir apparent (the male one) and does not have Magic.</p><p>Morgana loves Arthur but she cannot leave him be.</p><p>She agrees to Morgause's plan.</p><p>*</p><p>'Let's go Morgana. I know what you're trying to do.'</p><p>'You know nothing!'</p><p>His next words: <em>then explain your crazy plan to me</em> are interrupted by Arthur's arrival. The prat always has to come at the wrong moments, does not he?</p><p>*</p><p>'This is insane,' Merlin comments once Morgana is done telling him her side of things.</p><p>'But you get it. Right?' she asks with trepidation. 'You know why I have to do it.'</p><p>He sighs. 'I do.'</p><p>Merlin understands her reasoning. He obviously does not like it nor is he going to lay down and let it come true. But he understands.</p><p>Staying Morgana's friend while she tries to kill his other friend is getting harder. Yet, Merlin suspects if he were to leave her now, she would be at Morgause's mercy and things would only get worse. Both for her and Camelot.</p><p>Merlin does not wish to leave Morgana anyway. He does wish things would get a little less catastrophic.</p><p>Morgana smiles faintly. 'I understand that you'll be in my way. Still. Thank you, Merlin.' <em>For being my friend. For accepting me. For staying with me despite what I plan to do. For standing by me even when you should be screaming and running away from me.</em> </p><p>She doesn't know how to put it into words. It's alright. Merlin gets them. He returns her smile with a tired one and squeezes her hand.</p><p>*</p><p>'Do you know this sorcerer? Dragoon?'</p><p>Merlin tries to keep from laughing but giggles escape him and soon he is bent from laugther on the ground. Morgana is left bewildered.</p><p>'Alright,' she nods. 'I'll take that as a yes. Any idea why he would help Gwen and Arthur's ridiculous, doomed love story?'</p><p>Merlin breathes: 'The power of love,' before dissolving into more hilarious chuckles.</p><p>Morgana smiles bemusedly. 'Right. I'll leave you to...,' she gestures at the table he has been sitting on and all the books and potions on it, 'that. Have a pleasant day, Merlin.'</p><p>*</p><p>Merlin feels for Gilli.</p><p>He also asks himself if the time has finally come to tell Morgana he has Magic too.</p><p>*</p><p>Like in his visions, Morgana takes the throne.</p><p>Obviously, he does not tell her.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgause gets severely injured in the battle and Morgana takes her away. </p><p>*</p><p>Merlin celebrates his friends' victory and relishes in having both Gwaine and Lancelot back. He finds it easier to breathe now that the threats are over. Ever more so with the King being catatonic.</p><p>(Not that Merlin finds joy in seeing the King's state. He stopped seeing Uther as the monster under the bed a long time ago and wishing he would disappear. Now he only pities the man.)</p><p>He wonders about Morgana and whether or not she is alright.</p><p>Another year spent worrying for his friend and having no way of contacting her.</p><p>Thank Avalon, Lancelot is here.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana spends the following year taking care of her sister and cursing Gaius for what he did. It is not enough. </p><p>Morgause is dying.</p><p>*</p><p>The events with the Veil and the Cailleach happen and nothing changes.</p><p>Morgana loses her sister and Merlin loses his confident.</p><p>*</p><p>He finds her new home -a hovel- by himself.</p><p>'Lancelot is dead,' he says.</p><p>'I'm sorry,' she tells him. </p><p>She is not. She did not know the knight personally, barely remembered him from some tale Gwen told years ago (has it already been years?). But Merlin is here and talking about him which means he must have cared a great deal about him.</p><p>'I thought it was in payment for what happened to Morgause,' he adds in confusion.</p><p>Morgana frowns. She frees the fire from her stare and turns in her chair to look at him. Merlin is standing near the closed door, paler than she has ever seen him. His eyes are dull. Empty.</p><p>She knows the feeling.</p><p>'Why? Was Gaius closed to Lancelot?'</p><p>Merlin stares at her, numb. 'Gaius did not hurt Morgause. I did.'</p><p>'... Then I guess it is a fair payment.' She turns back toward the chimney, to contemplate the fire. 'A life for a life.'</p><p>'A life for a life,' she hears him repeat flatly.</p><p>*</p><p>Uther dies.</p><p>Merlin could care less. The man's death consolided Arthur's hatred of Magic. Arthur's hatred for everything Merlin is. </p><p>He feels like shit. If he had any tears left to cry he would let them fall.</p><p>He plans to stay the night for Arthur.</p><p>He does not.</p><p>*</p><p>'The King is dead,' he announces as a town crier would.</p><p>'I know,' she responds blandly.</p><p>He closes the door loudly. She stays unmoved. He advances and sits on the chair she leaves at her side in front of the chimney for him. </p><p>'You do not look overly eager to take the throne. Should not you be jumping from joy? Uther is dead. By your hand, might I add. It is a victory.'</p><p>She grins. Merlin smiles. He is a failure (and a criminal and a liar and hypocrite) but he can still make his friend smile. That has to count for something. Right?</p><p>Morgana looks at him with a little less grief in her eyes. 'It is.'</p><p>*</p><p>He comes back in time to see the sun rise.</p><p>'You stayed here the whole night?' Arthur asks.</p><p>
  <em>No. I left to see your sister to congratulate her on patricide.</em>
</p><p>'I did not want you to feel alone.' </p><p>It is not even a lie. Merlin just could not take Arthur's grief anymore, even with his friend hiding behind a closed door.</p><p>'You're a loyal friend, Merlin.'</p><p>
  <em>You would not say that if you knew I have Magic.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>'Tell me. I have strong suspicions but it is always good to be proven right.' Morgana hums in askance. 'Agravaine does work for you, does not he?'</p><p>She sighs. 'I warned him to be more cautious.' </p><p>'I knew it.' </p><p>Morgana doesn't look up from her brewing potion but she hears the smugness in Merlin's voice all too well. Men. </p><p>'Yes and if you, a servant, can see it it probably means that other servants can see it too.'</p><p>Merlin tappers his fingers distractedly on the table. 'Nobles always forget about servants,' he muses.</p><p>'Exactly.'</p><p>It is why she likes Merlin. She just told him that anyone with eyes could see what he did and he doesn't get offended. How many men get their feathers ruffled when they are taken down a peg? Morgana knows Arthur puffed a lot when there were younger. And later on. </p><p>'Does he know about me?'</p><p><em>About our friendship? Or that you visit me even more than he does?</em> 'No, he does not.'</p><p>*</p><p>She broaches the subject the next time Agravaine, her spy that is crap at doing his job, comes by.</p><p>'About Merlin,' she starts.</p><p>'Pardon me, my Lady, but who are you talking about?'</p><p>...Really?</p><p>'Arthur's servant,' she answers when Agravaine's eyes tell her '<em>yes, really</em>.' 'Dark hair. Blue eyes. Pale figure. Very mouthy. He is also Gaius's apprentice.'</p><p>Agravaine nods. 'Ah. Yes. The boy. What about him. Do you want me to get rid of him?'</p><p>'No, I do not. Actually, I want you to stay out of his way.'</p><p>Agravaine widens his eyes in surprise. 'Pardon me?'</p><p>'Absolutely not. From what I have learned you make a lousy job at being a spy. Servants have noticed the way you act, Agravaine. They are getting suspicious.'</p><p>'I- I don't-', he stammers. Great. A nobleman who does not know how to put two sentences together. Her kingdom promises to be bright. 'Nobody listens to servants.'</p><p>She arches a dubious eyebrow. 'In Camelot? Where one serving girl is readying herself to be crowned Queen?'</p><p>'I-'</p><p>'Arthur listens to Merlin, Agravaine. More than he does the other servants. Almost as much as he does Gwen. You can not take this lightly,' she warns him.</p><p>'I do not, my Lady,' he swears, lowering his head in a reverent bow. 'What should I do about the servant boy?'</p><p>'I repeat: nothing.'</p><p>Agravaine lifts his head up in shock. 'But. You just said that Arthur puts a lot of trust in him.'</p><p><em>As I do</em>. 'He does,' she agrees. 'And he will be even more suspicious if Merlin suddenly disappears or is found dead. Be more careful, it is all I ask of you.'</p><p>'And do not harm him either,' she adds after a beat, just to be on the safe side.</p><p>*</p><p>Merlin should not.</p><p>Merlin should not.</p><p>Merlin should not.</p><p>Merlin should not.</p><p>But Morgana is fighting for their people's freedom as much as he does (more actually because Merlin admits he may have lost hope of bringing Magic back in Camelot after Uther's death, no matter what Kilgharrah keeps telling him about Destiny and how '<em>one half can not truly hates what makes it whole'</em>) and she sacrificed a lot for their cause.</p><p>She lost a lot.</p><p>Merlin is not blind. He knows camelotians have lost a lot because of Morgana's own actions too. But they were already losing because of Uther. For now, the difference lies in the fact that Morgana is not Uther and that she wants to help and not punish. Yet, Merlin fears she may end up like the late King if she sees no light at the end of her tunnel.</p><p>The Dragon Egg is not only a symbol of hope for him and Kilgharrah. It is a symbol of hope for her.</p><p>He goes to her hideout and drags her out, refusing to listen about how <em>she has plans in motion</em> and how <em>she can not be distracted</em> and how <em>she refuses to join in Camelot's usual tomfoolery</em>. He brings her to a clearing and places his bag on a tree trunk.</p><p>'There is something you do not know about me.' Several things in fact but Merlin cannot resolve to reveal his Magic yet. He figures starting with being a Dragonlord is a good step in the right direction.</p><p>'...like why you dragged me in the woods in the middle of the night?'</p><p>Merlin beams. 'Yes, exactly.'</p><p>'And what it is, Merlin?,' she asks patiently.</p><p>'I am a Dragonlord,' he hurries to say before his brain can start again and make him stop.</p><p>*</p><p><em>'No you're not,'</em> is on the tip of her tongue.</p><p>She bites her tongue.</p><p>Merlin. The peasant turned physician's apprentice turned loyal King's servant -a Dragonlord? It does not make sense at first glance. </p><p>Yet. It would explain how the Great Dragon succeedded in freeing himself from the hole Uther threw him in. It would explain how Arthur 'killed' the Great Dragon.</p><p>No one would suspect innocent, naive Merlin from being a Dragonlord. No one would suspect him either of sympathising with sorcerers, nor to maintain a friendship with the Kingdom's first enemy. </p><p>'It makes sense.'</p><p>'Yeah?'</p><p>'Yes, it does.'</p><p>It makes sense when you know Merlin.</p><p>*</p><p>'The Great Dragon,' <em>he would hate it if I were to give you his name</em>, 'is supposed to be the last of his kind.'</p><p>'Thanks Uther,' Morgana scoffs.</p><p>'And he was until I found this.' Merlin opens the bag and gets the white egg out. </p><p>Morgana gasps. 'It's...'</p><p>'Yes,' he whispers in awe. 'It is.'</p><p>They fall silent, sharing in that moment of reverence. A baby dragon about to enter this world. It is ineffable.</p><p>Morgana's breath is harsh. 'How are you going to hatch it?'</p><p>'It is where it gets complicated.' Morgana arches a regal eyebrow. 'I do not know how but the Great Dragon does.'</p><p>Morgana nods. 'So you are going to call him.'</p><p>'Yes, but... Morgana. You should know that he does not have fond feelings about you.'</p><p>'Because I am a Pendragon.'</p><p>He nods hesitantly. 'That and... Do you remember that talk we had two years ago after the goblin accident?'</p><p>'It is what you are calling it?,' she teases.</p><p>'Yes, it is. Because it was an accident.' Morgana grins. 'Do you remember?'</p><p>'Yes, I do.'</p><p>'The Great Dragon is one of those that share the feeling.'</p><p>Morgana goes stiff. 'The Great Dragon, a creature of the Old Religion, believes me to be evil?'</p><p>'No!,' he rushes. Well. 'He may think you might turn in the future?'</p><p>She stays stunned.</p><p>'Dragons see the world differently than we do. It does not mean we can trust everything they say. We can only heed their words as a warning.'</p><p>'...are you sure. Or are you hoping for your words to be true?'</p><p>Merlin smiles weakly. 'If you believe in something strongly enough and work for it, it is bound to happen. Right? Like Magic. Belief and practice.'</p><p>Morgana's gaze gets sharper. 'I suppose.'</p><p>*</p><p>He calls Kilgharrah, who grumbles and snarls about Morgana's presence. Morgana takes his loathing in stride and pushes back just as hard. Merlin supposes growing up under Uther's supervision is bound to make you grow a backbone made of steel.</p><p>Merlin hushes them. Then brings Aithusa into the world.</p><p>Aithusa. Light of the Sun.</p><p>'The white dragon bodes well for Albion.'</p><p>*</p><p>
  <em>'You're consumed by bitterness, Morgana. It spreads within you like a disease.'</em>
</p><p><em>'I fear you are more like Uther than you realise</em>.'</p><p>Morgana should not take Annis's words to heart. Annis broke their deal and sided with Arthur. Arthur, who makes all the wrong choices and continues Uther's persecution of Magic. <strike>Arthur whom she still loves</strike>. Morgana should not be listening to her. Yet, her words keep ringing in her mind. What if she is right? What if, in her quest to free her kind of persecution, Morgana goes too far and becomes too much like <em>him</em>? What if she loses sight of her goal and becomes as blinded and hateful as <em>he</em>?</p><p>It seems inconceivable. Morgana could never be as spiteful, vindictive and cruel as Uther Pendragon. Yet a goblin 'saw' the evil in her heart and a dragon wants to roast her for her 'sins'.</p><p>What to believe?</p><p>*</p><p>Gaius has been taken. And Arthur does not believe Merlin.</p><p>He has an inkling about who has taken him. Though he does not understand what she would gain from it. Merlin knows Morgana does not keep fond feelings of Gaius since she learned he drugged her for years to keep her Magic a secret. He gets that she is angry. He also understands that his mentor thought it was the only way to keep her safe from Uther. It does not explain why she would take him now.</p><p>Merlin is gnawing on his sleeve. He can not leave, Arthur has the knights making rounds and surveying him. If he tries to leave, they'll stop him and bring him back to Arthur for 'his own safety'. Merlin can not bear to face the prat. Which means he has to wait until darkness falls. In the meantime, he worries.</p><p>He is glad for Gwen's comfort but it does not lessen his hurt.</p><p>Gaius is still missing. Arthur does not trust him.</p><p>*</p><p>Merlin has come as she expected. And he is furious, as she predicted. He shouts, he paces, he passes his hands frustratingly through his hair. He glares at her.</p><p>Morgana lets him howl until she can not take it anymore. 'What do you keep on coming back when you stand against everything I believe in?'</p><p>Merlin stops his movements and whirls to face her. 'Because I'm your friend!,' he snarls. 'Because we may have both changed but I still see the stubborn woman willing to do anything to help her people. Because I still see the good in you, Morgana. Even after the crap the dragon serves me everyday, after what you did on Samhain. Even now after you bloody kidnapped Gaius and hurt him!'</p><p>Morgana stands strong in front of him but it feels like she is crumbling inside. All those weeks she spent with Annis' words haunting her. Turning like a lion in a cage in her hovel and twisting her words and Gaius' and the dragon's and every actions she took since she first left Camelot with her sister. Was it wrong? Most of it yes. Does she regret any of it? Some of it yes, but she would still do it for the good of her people. Is is worth it? Is this turning her into a pantomime of Uther? Is it worth it? </p><p>Now, her friend is there and shouting that he believes. That she is still good. </p><p><strong>She is still good</strong>.</p><p>'You're my friend. And when no one believes in you, I do.'</p><p>Morgana takes his faith in her and lets it fuel hers.</p><p>*</p><p>Alator observes the two people within the cave. The boy Merlin, Emrys the prophetised savior of their people, and Morgana Pendragon, the last High Priestess. Both of them living in the shadows. Both of them fighting for a better future. Both of them being hunted simply for existing. Like Alator and his Clan. Like every Magic user in the Five Kingdoms.</p><p>He watches the two of them from his place in the shadows, both so young and yet so powerful and full of spirit.</p><p>
  <em>When no one believes in you, I do.</em>
</p><p>Alator believes too.</p><p>*</p><p>Honestly, those stupid silly prattish Pendragons. Merlin swears they'll be the death of him.</p><p>*</p><p>(That mess with the fomorroh never happens.)</p><p>Morgana heals him and takes care of him after her bandits bring him to her.</p><p>He is declared missing in Camelot. His absence has to do with taking a breather from Destiny and his many duties, as well as spending time with his friend (and not with being tortured and possessed.)</p><p>Arthur hugs him when he finds him in the woods (and this time Merlin has no reason to forget it.)</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana is getting better and doesn't let herself be troubled by doubts.</p><p>She still worries about the threat Emrys poses. </p><p>She doesn't talk about it with Merlin.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana brings Lancelot back.</p><p>(He is not a shade this time. This is the real Lancelot.)</p><p>The knight has a mission and it is to break the courtship of Gwen and Arthur.</p><p>(Morgana bears Gwen no grudge but, like with Arthur, she can not let her be. If Morgana is to take the throne, a Queen can not already be sitting on it.)</p><p>(Morgana keeps fond feelings of Gwen because of her continued friendship with Merlin. Because people without Magic are not all like Uther. Merlin proved that.)</p><p>Once his mission is achieved, the spell she's put him under will lift and he will be free to walk the world again.</p><p>Morgana has heard of what happened with the Lamia. How the knights, Merlin's so-called friends, treaded him. They were under a spell and Merlin knows it but like he said to her when he came to visit: 'It does not mean it did not happen'.</p><p>Morgana does not only bring the knight for Gwen, if she did she would have settled for a shade. She brings him for Merlin, the friend that stayed steadfast at her side even when she threatened the ones he loves. Merlin who desesparetely needs more friends, more people to count on.</p><p>He did not say it but the knights are not the only problem. Gwen is getting closer to Arthur and away from Merlin. Arthur is Arthur and oblivious and a prat. Morgana remembers how Merlin came to her after Lancelot sacrificed himself to the veil. How he stayed numb for weeks before Uther's death. </p><p>'A life for a life,' she had said. Yet, the deal was a sacrifice for the veil's closure. Lancelot sacrificed his soul. It does mean someone else can not take it back, not while it is still whole and not yet ripped apart by the other doomed souls in the Other Side.</p><p>She brings Lancelot back and sends him on his way.</p><p>*</p><p>She orders Agravaine to look after Lancelot.</p><p>Which was apparently a good call on her part as the knight tried to hang himself in his cell, and would have succedded had her spy not been watching him. </p><p>Foolish knight. Too noble for his own good. </p><p>Morgana curses. She did not bring him back so he could kill himself!</p><p>*</p><p>Lancelot is declared missing. </p><p>Merlin finds him on the edge of a forest. Lost. Confused. Full of guilt.</p><p>Merlin embraces him.</p><p>'You have no idea how much I missed you.'</p><p>Lancelot relaxes. He smiles and it is genuine for the first time since he came back.</p><p>*</p><p>Arthur suspects Merlin was the one to free Lan- the Traitor.</p><p>It hurts. His fiance and his knight betrayed him and his friend supports them.</p><p>Arthur can really trust no one, can't he?</p><p>*</p><p>'Druids,' he croaks.</p><p>His skin is cold and his breath is harsh. He is on the verge of crying.</p><p>'Arthur is a good man,' she tries to comfort him.</p><p>'He is,' Merlin agrees quietly.</p><p>He is not sure it is enough any longer.</p><p>*</p><p>(Morgana doesn't shift Gwen into a deer.)</p><p>Morgana knocks Gwen out and has her sent back to Ealdor.</p><p>*</p><p>While they leave, while they travel with smugglers, while they run towards Ealdor, while they escape in the forest, Merlin supports Arthur. Hides him. Stands by him. Works to give him his faith back. </p><p>And as they reunite with Camelot's people, he comes to a realisation.</p><p>Leon says: 'I know that I would ride into the mouth of hell for you.'</p><p>Merlin does not say 'And I' even if he would. Merlin loves Arthur and believes him to be a good man that will be a great king. But he does not intend to stay to see it.</p><p>The Sword was his last act for his friend. </p><p>*</p><p>Arthur has his Queen and his knights. He has his faith back and the people love him. He doesn't need Merlin any longer.</p><p>Merlin sees a brilliant future. A beautiful kingdom with her golden King and her loving Queen. Brave, loyal knights and the people living without fear. It makes him want to hope that Magic has a place in it. However, he doesn't see it. </p><p>Merlin has a Destiny and he fulfilled half of it. Arthur is King and he is alive and protected. His foes have been defeated.</p><p>Magic is not free and Albion is not born. Merlin will have to find a way to build it another way. Because Arthur is a good man and will be a great King but he won't bring Magic back.</p><p>(Merlin has known it since he killed Uther. <strike>He merely blinded himself to the truth</strike>. The truth just took its sweet time to hit him fully.)</p><p>*</p><p>He finds her on the outskirts of the forest.</p><p>She is lying on the ground and she looks about to die. It is the moment Aithusa flies in. Merlin looks at her. Aithusa looks at him. He nods his head and smiles.</p><p>Aithusa agitates her wings in excitement and breathes life back into Morgana.</p><p>'Welcome back to the living.'</p><p>Morgana huffs a laugh.</p><p>Merlin takes her in his arms and leaves. Aithusa flies and settles onto his right shoulder. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Titles from the song 'Are you bored yet?' - Wallows<br/>...because I have great difficulties settling on apt titles and prefer to refer to songs I love instead :)</p><p>*Yes, I'm aware that the only reason Arthur did not believe ghost!Ygraine was because of Merlin :)<br/>Morgana is simply not aware of that fact.</p><p>*I'm also aware that the explanation I gave about Lancelot's return may sound a bit sketchy but I genuinely believe (or maybe it's only me being uselessly hopeful) that Lancelot did not die when he crossed-over but kept on living. (Until the souls ripped his body and soul apart.) So if someone where to intercede on his part before he was teared to pieces and demands he was brought back, he would be able to.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Where they find each other</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'I have Magic.'</p><p>Morgana has the same reactions she did when he told her he's a Dragonlord.</p><p>Denial. </p><p>
  <em>No, you don't. I would know if you did. Thank you for your efforts Merlin but it doesn't comfort me.</em>
</p><p>Suspicion. </p><p>Merlin is always too lucky. Knights have returned to Camelot bleeding when he mostly came back safe. And unlike them he bears no weapons and no chainmail nor an armor. The witch finder thought he had Magic. And what about his friend Will? He said he had Magic but he was already dying, could he have been lying to protect Merlin?</p><p>'<em>You don't have Magic, Merlin. How could you hope to understand?'</em></p><p>
  <em>'I do understand.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'If you believe in something strongly enough and work for it, it is bound to happen. Right? Like Magic. Belief and practice.'</em>
</p><p>No one would suspect bubbly, awkward Merlin of breaking the most important law in Camelot. No one would think the clever man is foolish enough to live among people out to get him. No one one would think someone as close to King Arthur Pendragon to be this deceiving.</p><p>Acceptance. </p><p>Of course, Merlin has Magic. It makes sense.</p><p>Morgana does not smile. She punches him. Hard.</p><p>*</p><p>She is angry. She is furious. She is hurt. She is... And he is... There is actually no word to convey what she feels. </p><p>But he also helped her and protected her and stayed by her side through everything. </p><p>(He is not like Morgause who only came to her when she learned of her magic. He is not like Gwen who did not recognise her inner turmoil because she got too taken with Arthur. He is not like Arthur who is blind and oblivious and -thanks to Uther- prejudiced. And thank Goddess, he is not like Gaius.)</p><p>She is so angry. Yet, she knows she will get over it. She will forgive him.</p><p>
  <strike>Don't think I don't understand loyalty just because I've got no one left to be loyal to.</strike>
</p><p>She does not have no one. She has him.</p><p>*</p><p>He tells her about growing up in Ealdor with his mother and Will. She tells him about Gorlois and her years with Morgause. He tells her of his side of Camelot's adventures (and she is impressed, as well as a bit miffed. How could she have missed the signs?!). She tells him about Emrys and how the man is her Destiny and her 'Doom.'</p><p>Merlin arches an eyebrow and she sees his lips twist until he can not contain his laugh any longer. She glares, unimpressed and offended that he is not taking this threat seriously.</p><p>Merlin waves his hands in the air. 'I'm sorry,' he hiccups. 'It's just.' He breathes one last laugh before he takes back his countenance. 'Morgana. I can assure you that Emrys is not going to come after you.'</p><p>Morgana narrows her eyes. 'What do you know about him that I don't?'</p><p>Merlin smirks. 'Emrys is what the druids call me.' She blinks in surprise. 'And as I do not intend to harm you, I can assure you that nothing will happen to you. Not from 'Emrys' at least.'</p><p>'... The druids have a name for you?'</p><p>It is when he tells her about the last bit he kept from her. The prophecy of Emrys and the Once and Future King. And the part she is supposed to play in this.</p><p>Morgana is left shaken. 'Do you think I am doomed?'</p><p>'Not by me,' he responds honestly.</p><p>She snorts regally. 'Obviously.' </p><p>Merlin protected her and kept her hideout a secret. He never harmed her. And she never harmed him. It does not matter that he lied and that she's angry about it. <strong>They are in this together</strong>. A witch and a warlock against the rest of the world, as it should be. They could not turn their back on each other even when Merlin was taking Arthur's side. They are not about to now that Merlin left Arthur and Camelot to rejoin her.</p><p>'I mean from Destiny. Do you think I am doomed to end up as the villain in the story?'</p><p>Merlin is silent for several minutes. She is glad he is taking the time to reflect on his answer instead of rushing in but the wait is making her nervous. </p><p>'I tried to leave once,' he reveals, surprising her. 'I had met this druid girl and I had planned to leave Camelot and Destiny behind. I had planned to run away with her.'</p><p>'What happened?'</p><p>'She died.' Merlin gives her a faint smile. 'It was not meant to be.'</p><p>'So you think I stand no chance,' she concludes.</p><p>'I was not done.' Morgana frowns. 'I put her body in a lake. And Magic brought her back. Her consciousness is tied to the lake and she can never leave it. But she is alive. In a sense.' He shakes his head. Smiles bashfully. 'I thought I knew about Destiny.  I once thought that Destiny's plan was a trap you could never escape, whatever it had it mind for you. And then I learned Magic had brought Freya back. I do not know if you can escape your own Destiny, Morgana. All I know is that you can do your best and work to stay a good person. It is all any of us can wish for those days.'</p><p>It doesn't actually comfort her but she prefers a truth hard to swallow rather than a nice lie.</p><p>She has had enough of those.</p><p>*</p><p>They leave the hovel and Camelot behind.</p><p>*</p><p>'I'm still angry,' she says while watching Aithusa hop on in front of her.</p><p>'I know,' Merlin replies while doing the same. 'I deserve it.'</p><p>'Don't be ridiculous,' she huffs. Merlin glances at her from the corner of his eyes. Morgana keeps her gaze on Aithusa. 'I understand why you kept silent. Uther and his tyranny make it awfully hard to reveal oneself. If not for Morgause I would not have revealed myself either. I was too scared.'</p><p>Merlin shakes his head. 'You were scared but you're braver than me. You would not have kept your secret forever. One day you would have told someone.'</p><p>She eyes his profil and thinks about what would have happened if Morgause never found her, about Merlin disclosing his secret earlier, about Merlin choosing to never reveal it. She thinks about the final year she spent in Camelot before her poisoning. Last, she thinks about Arthur and Gwen and what they lost because of magic. </p><p>She presses her lips. 'I am heartened that you finally told me,' she settles on.</p><p>She is. She is still angry but her anger is lessening each day Merlin choses to stay by her side.</p><p>*</p><p>Arthur doesn't understand why Merlin would leave Camelot. Leave him. Gaius has yet to give him a tangible reason. He keeps repeating that Merlin '<em>was feeling stifled in Camelot' </em>and<em> 'desired to travel on his</em> <em>own</em>'. If that is true then why did not Merlin come to him and tell him so? Why did he leave so suddenly? He left as if he was coming back the next day but Arthur never saw him again.</p><p>Where did he go? 'I told you, Sire. He is traveling.'</p><p>When he is coming back? 'I do not know. I am sure he'll come back to visit.'</p><p>When?! 'I do not know, Sire.'</p><p>'<em>Gaius</em>,' he grits through his teeth whenever those answers disatisfy him (which means every time he goes to see the physician only to gain the same responses). 'Merlin is your ward. You should know all about him, especially when he intends to come back.' </p><p>'I do not know everything that goes inside that boy's head, Sire.'</p><p>'He is your apprentice,' he snarls. 'It should at least worry you that Merlin is out there and making the people worst instead of healing them!'</p><p>Gaius gives him the Eyebrow. Arthur flushes. He is King for Gods' sake! He should not cower like he used to as a child because his physician gives him the Eyebrow! </p><p>'Merlin is perfectly capable, Sire. He is a trained physician and the only thing that separates him from being an accomplished one are age and experience. Both will come with time.'</p><p>'Gaius,' he warns.</p><p>'With all respect, Sire. The only one who can admonish me in concern of Merlin is his mother. Not you. Sire.'</p><p>Arthur shuffles on his feet under the full power of the Eyebrow. 'Of course. Yes. Hunith. Dear Hunith. How is she handling the news?'</p><p>'Perfectly well. Thank you for asking. She is glad Merlin is amusing himself.'</p><p>There is just no winning with that man.</p><p>*</p><p>If he is honest, Arthur is having difficulties living without Merlin. And it has nothing to do with losing a servant. Arthur lost his friend. </p><p>*</p><p>'I have not seen Agravaine since I sent him after Arthur,' she says pensively.</p><p>Merlin tenses next to her. Morgana eyes him warily.</p><p>'...Did he try to harm you?'</p><p>Merlin relaxes at her side. 'Let's just say that he was very motivated in finding Arthur.'</p><p>Damn that man. She did tell him not to go after Merlin.</p><p>'I hope you are not too upset about his loss.'</p><p>She scoffs. 'Agravaine was a pawn. And not a very good one. I was merely curious about his disappearance. He was always so clingy.'</p><p>Merlin looks thoughtful. And if she knows him -and she does- it must be that he feels guilty about whatever happened to Agravaine. She thinks to say that 'not everyone can be saved' except that Merlin does not think so. Only the goddess knows what would have happened to her if he did.</p><p>Instead she says: 'You had no choice.'</p><p>'You can't know that.'</p><p>'I do. I know you, Merlin. And I know that had there been another way, you would have taken it.'</p><p>She does not care about Agravaine. But she cares about her friend and his feelings.</p><p>*</p><p>'Are you still angry at me for what I did to Morgause?,' he asks her one night.</p><p>Morgana startles and looks at her companion through the fire. 'I was never upset with you, Merlin.'</p><p>Merlin frowns in confusion. 'How could you not be?'</p><p>'I was too lost in my grief to be angry at you.'</p><p>Merlin presses his lips. 'You were angry at Gaius.'</p><p>She smiles bitterly. 'I had enough energy to be enraged with him when I still held hopes my sister would survive.' She gives a small shrug. 'Then Morgause died. It does not matter that you're the real reason for it. I still have lots of reason to be displeased with Gaius.'</p><p>*</p><p>They keep to the forests while they leave the Kingdom, lest they encounter a patrol that would recognise them. Aithusa joins them from time to time. She is a delight and is growing fast. She cannot speak yet but Morgana and Merlin speak in circles around her so she can recognise their voice and learn the language. </p><p>*</p><p>They meet Lancelot during their travel. Merlin is overjoyed (and feels a little better after leaving Arthur and Camelot) and embraces him. Morgana smiles faintly at the knight. </p><p>Lancelot is merry to find Merlin again even if he is wary to see him alone with the witch. </p><p>'How did it happen?,' he asks his friend while Morgana pretends to be too busy with Aithusa to hear them talk. </p><p>'You know Morgana and I never stopped being friends.'</p><p>Lancelot nods. Merlin very rarely kept secrets from him. In fact, when Merlin kept secrets it was because he had so many he did not remember which he had told Lancelot and which he had not. Lancelot was one of the rare few Merlin allowed in his confidence. So, Lancelot knew about the Magic, about the Great Dragon and his friend's shared destiny with Arthur. He also knew about Balinor and Freya. He has not yet had the privilege to meet Hunith but he knew countless stories about her and Will. </p><p>So, yes, Lancelot knew about Morgana. He knew about the initial fear she felt when she discovered her magic, of her seeking help from Merlin and the druids, of Morgause's arrival and Uther's rejection and how it all converged to a point where Morgana choose to take a stand against Camelot. He knew about Merlin's involvement. </p><p>Lancelot was divided about all these matters. Mostly because he understood Merlin's point of view. He knew well what taking a stand against the law for the sake of a friend meant. But he also knew a different Morgana that the one his friend loved. The one who took the throne forcefully, who opened the Veil and brought back haunted spirits to terrorise the kingdom. The one who brought him back to break Gwen and Arthur. </p><p>'Arthur and Gwen married,' his friend says with a hint of apology. </p><p>Lancelot inclines his head in acknowledgement. 'I heard. It is good for them. They deserve to finally be together. Gwen will make a great Queen.'</p><p>'Arthur has his Queen and the knights of the Round Table,' his friend resumes. 'He has Gaius. Morgana had no one.'</p><p>'So you left.'</p><p>Merlin nods. 'So I left.'</p><p>Lancelot stares at his friend thoughtfully. 'What about destiny?' </p><p>'I don't know about destiny. I only know I could no longer leave my friend alone.'</p><p>Once upon a time, Merlin had been ready to give his life for Arthur. Because he believed he would bring a golden age for all. Because Arthur was his King. Because Arthur was his friend. Because he believed in him. </p><p>Once upon a time, Lancelot had stood in Merlin's way and chose to die in his stead. He had not done it because of Destiny, nor because Arthur would have been devastated upon waking up to find Merlin gone. He had done it because he had refused to let the best man he ever met die. </p><p>If Merlin could sacrifice himself for Arthur because he had such faith in who he is and what he could do, then Lancelot could  sacrifice himself for Merlin because he had faith in Merlin and in what he could do. </p><p>And if after all that, Merlin chose to leave the man he had faith in for the sake of a friend, then Lancelot would stand by his side, despite the feelings Morgana Pendragon inspired him.</p><p>'Alright,' he says. 'Then I am coming with you.' </p><p>Lancelot still has faith in his friend. He is not going to leave him. </p><p>Merlin beams at him. Lancelot gives a little helpless laugh and pats him lightly on the shoulder. </p><p>*</p><p>Merlin approaches his friend that night while Lancelot is piling wood for Aithusa to play with and set fire to.</p><p>'I never thanked your for bringing him back.'</p><p>Morgana's grin is shy. She looks at Aithusa fly circles around Lancelot in excitment. 'You did not have too.'</p><p>'I did. I do. <strong>Thank you</strong>.' </p><p>Lancelot is so very dear to him. When he lost his friend (who sacrificed himself for him) he was left bereft and with a hole in his chest. Only Gwen comes close to knowing what he felt.</p><p>And then Morgana brought him back. He could never repay her for that. </p><p>His friend glances at him. 'You lost Lancelot because of me, Merlin. It was the least I could do.'</p><p>'You never meant for that to happen.'</p><p>Morgana winces. 'There are lots of things I did not mean to do that I caused anyway. And if I had the opportunity, I don't think I would do differently, even knowing how it all ends.'</p><p>'...We are no longer talking about Lancelot. Are we?'</p><p>Morgana raises her head to meet his gaze. 'What do you think?'</p><p>'We left Camelot. And I don't intend to come back. Do you?'</p><p>Morgana breaks their gaze and stares at Aithusa with longing. 'A white dragon bodes well for Albion,' she says, quoting Kilgharrah's words. 'I want to find Albion. I want to be a part of it. And it won't happen if I keep on taking a throne that...,' she swallows bitterly, 'that was never meant for me.'</p><p>She swallows down the familiar rage and outrage she feels at Uther. At all the man stole from her without even acknowledging her rightful place in the world. It is a path of thoughts she won't be taking today, or any other day. Uther is best left buried in the past.</p><p>'I don't intend to prove destiny right,' she declares. 'I will chose my own path, like you said, and it leads me away from Camelot.'</p><p>*</p><p>They somehow end in the tavern Merlin and Arthur first met Gwaine.</p><p>The owner of the place remembers Merlin <em>well</em> and flirts with him.</p><p>Merlin blushes.</p><p>Lancelot smiles at his friends' embarrassment, succeeding in charming half of the clients. Morgana smirks at Merlin. Aithusa pokes her head out of Morgana's satchel in curiosity.</p><p>*</p><p>They are (often) surprised by bandits.</p><p>Lancelot pulls out his sword. Merlin throws his magic at them. Morgana, who is both proficient in sword fighting and magic, does both. Aithusa roasts what is left of the bandits.</p><p>*</p><p>They encounter a wounded nymph in a clearing.</p><p>Merlin offers to heal her. The nymph stares unashamedly at 'Emrys' and agrees.</p><p>Lancelot keeps guard a few feet from them. Next to him, Morgana curses 'men for their ignorance. This is what people do to magic users and magical creatures. This the plague Uther brought to this world!'</p><p>Lancelot does not depart from his calm but he admits Morgana's violence is getting to him. 'Violence begets violence, Morgana.' She whips around to face him. 'Fighting Uther's hatred with more hatred is not going to help magic users.'</p><p>Morgana studies his face thoughtfully. Lancelot does not flinch under her scrutiny. 'You have a better idea, o most Noble Knight?'</p><p>Lancelot tightens his hold on his sword. 'We can remind them that magic can also be used for good. The people used to know that. Before Uther's laws.'</p><p>'You mean before Uther lost his mind,' she deadpans.</p><p>Lancelot grimaces. 'Yes, I do. I think they only need to remember that magic can be as beautiful as it can be destructive.'</p><p>'And how do you propose we do that?'</p><p>Lancelot glances behind them: at the wood nymph that men have hurt simply because she is other. He looks at Merlin's kneeling figure. At his friend that is healing her. Morgana follows his gaze.</p><p>'You know how.'</p><p>*</p><p>The chance of 'reminding the people that magic can be used for good' does not come for several months. Morgana would fustigate Lancelot for his useless hope in the people if Merlin was not here.</p><p>Morgana may not have any hope left for the non-magic users, but Merlin does. And Morgana trusts Merlin. So she does not mock Lancelot for his own beliefs and waits.</p><p>*</p><p>One day, Merlin is called (summoned) by Kilgharrah. He tells the others to wait for him, as he does not have the will to watch Morgana and Kilgharrah verbally rip each other again.</p><p>Lancelot gives an understanding nod and stays with Morgana.</p><p>Aithusa whines in disapproval but follows Merlin.</p><p>*</p><p>'What about your destiny, Merlin?,' are his friend's first words.</p><p>'Are those a novel way for you to open a conversation?,' he teases.</p><p>Kilgharrah lowers his head to Merlin's level and puffs a jet of fire. 'Young warlock. What do you make of your destiny?'</p><p>Merlin holds back a smile at Kilgharrah's obvious aggravation.</p><p>Meanwhile Aithusa, thrilled by her fellow dragon's show, shots her own fireballs in the air.</p><p>Merlin sighs. 'I know.'</p><p>'Do you, Merlin? It looks to me that you are throwing it away for the sake of the witch,' his old friend rumbles.</p><p>'Kilgharrah, I have heard you. I know that your words are not only to keep me from straying from my destiny but also to protect me. Because we are kin. Yet, for the first time since I stepped foot in Camelot, I know what I am doing. And I am sure of my decision.'</p><p>Kilgharrah rises his head up.  'What do you make of the other half of your coin?'</p><p>Merlin winces. </p><p>Thinking of Arthur always pains him.</p><p> 'Leaving Arthur was one of the hardest thing I have ever done. However, I know it to be the right thing. Arthur does not need me. Not like Morgana does.'</p><p>Kilgharrah's eyes seem to send glares as dangerous as lightening strikes. 'The witch-'</p><p>'My friend Morgana,' he corrects.</p><p>'-can not escape her destiny. She walks a path that has already been decided. As you do. As your King does. Fighting it will only bring you more pain, Merlin.'</p><p>Merlin shakes his head. 'I have faith in Morgana. And I won't let doubts cloud my judgement.'</p><p>Merlin expects more 'you are mistaken', 'the witch will be your downfall'. Instead, Kilgharrah stares at him with his golden eyes and stays silent.</p><p>Aithusa continues to fly around them in the clearing, either shooting fireballs or chasing after butterflies.</p><p>Merlin holds the Great Dragon's stare.</p><p>'How much you have grown.' </p><p>And Merlin knows it is his way of conceding.</p><p>'You could stay with us,' Merlin offers, even if he knows Kilgharrah and Morgana together would only end in disaster.</p><p>'You have made your decision. And my staying with you would only trouble you. However, I will come anywhen you call for me. You are my kin.'</p><p>His heart heavy with feelings, Merlin comes closer to Kilgharrah. He embraces him. Kilgharrah lowers his head again and covers his body with his chin. </p><p>'And you are mine.'</p><p>*</p><p>While Merlin is gone, Morgana takes her sword and points its deadly edge toward Lancelot.</p><p>Lancelot looks placidly at her.</p><p>Morgana draws back, points the edge of the sword toward the ground and offers it to him.</p><p>(She may loath to share the same blood as Uther but there's no escaping being a Pendragon. And being a Pendragon means being dramatic.)</p><p>Lancelot stares curiously at her.</p><p>'You are uncomfortable with me,' she explains. 'Externalize your anger. Hit me.'</p><p>The knight blinks at her.</p><p>Morgana holds back a huff. 'Take the sword and hit me.'</p><p>Lancelot gets offended. 'I refuse to hit someone disarmed. Let alone when said person has done nothing to require me to go after them.'</p><p>She refrains from rolling her eyes. Sometimes she has to wonder about the company Merlin chooses to surround himself with. Although she admits Lancelot is a good knight and a better man, his <em>sensibilities</em> can eat at her patience.</p><p>'I am the reason you had to sacrifice yourself to the Veil,' she retorts, as if he could ever forget something like that.</p><p>Lancelot goes rigid. His eyes go a few centimeters to her right, so he can avoid her gaze.</p><p>'And when I brought you back it was to enchant you so you could go ruin Gwen's happy ending with your chosen King.'</p><p>Lancelot puts a hand on his sword, a sure sign that his anger is getting the better of him. Yet, he does not seem ready to take it off his scabard to attack her.</p><p>Morgana thinks about Merlin and Aithusa and about the small family they've been slowly becoming.</p><p>'You need to let it out.'</p><p>The noble man meets her stare. 'I need to,' he repeats slowly. 'For me. Or for you?'</p><p>She does not respond.</p><p>Lancelot sighs and takes his hand off the pommel off his sword. 'I am no longer angry, Morgana. When I chose to follow Merlin, I chose to follow you too. And as such I chose to forgive you for your past deeds. And I did.'</p><p>Morgana -who, again, is a Pendragon (funny how a three-syllables word can mean so many things)- does not understand his reasoning. She has been trained to rarely forgive ('<em>offer you forgiveness only when it benefits</em> <em>you'</em>) and to never forget. Were it anyone else pronouncing these words, Morgana would not believe them. However this is Lancelot, the <em>most noble of them all</em> as she personally found out, so she knows he is not lying.</p><p>'I don't understand,' she has to admit.</p><p>Lancelot's gaze softens.</p><p>She does not prickle from the gesture. It is a mark of how much these last months changed her.</p><p>'I forgave you,' he repeats. 'I will not forget what you did. I will not forget either how dangerous you can be. But you are forgiven.'</p><p>'It does not make sense,' she discloses in the quiet the forest gives them.</p><p>'It does to me.' Lancelot steps closer to her, puts his palm on her hand and pushes the fist that is still holding the pommel of her sword toward her body. 'I do not need to let go of my anger. Because I feel no anger.'</p><p>'...does this mean that you trust me?'</p><p>Lancelot and her study each other. The knight's smile is thin. 'I trust you with Merlin.'</p><p>Acceptable. Merlin and Aithusa are the most important people in her life. The fact that Lancelot trusts Merlin, holds him dear and would die for him are enough for her.</p><p>The knight relishes her hand and looks at their campfire pensively. 'I am learning to trust you too.'</p><p><em>This</em> Morgana understands.</p><p>*</p><p>Her relationship with the knight gets better yet their travel and the lack of opportunity to prove themselves are frustrating her.</p><p>'Patience,' Merlin keeps repeating.</p><p>'Patience,' Aithusa whispers in her mind.</p><p>'Patience,' she repeats all days along as they walk the Five Kingdoms.</p><p>The waiting is getting on her nerves. Morgana knows patience is the key to hard won battles but she is a woman of action. She never liked to wait on the sidelines, she prefers to be a part of things. It is why she fought to learn fighting like a knight, why she never stopped defending magic users even before she knew about her own magic, why she helped her sister in <strike>her</strike> their plans.</p><p>She was not built to wait.</p><p>*</p><p>But then, the chance they have been waiting for finally comes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I dearly hope that I kept Morgana in character and did not make the budding (platonic) relationship between Lancelot and her unbelievable. Morgana is still the Morgana from the show (so a very conflicted person), she has mostly resigned from taking Camelot's throne and is trying to take a different path (which is easier with her friend at her side).<br/> As for Lancelot: where Merlin goes, he goes. Where his friend leads, he loyally follows. And if Merlin trusts Morgana, Lancelot will (carefully) tries to as well.</p><p>Next chapter: more bonding between those three (four with Aithusa), as well as several characters from the show making their (re)appearance.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Where magic finds them</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lady Vivian, proud daughter of King Olaf and Heir to the Throne of Anglia, is enchanted. That is, the people and especially her father do not know she is under a spell but they recognise that their Princess is unwell and has been for years. </p><p>Lady Vivian is incapable of talking about anything but King Arthur Pendragon. She only sees him, thinks about him, draws him, writes to him. It used to be alright and easily pulled under the rug, except that what started as an infatuation has turned into an obsession.  And it renders her incapable of being Heir to the Throne.</p><p>How can Lady Vivian be Queen if she only thinks of the sake of one man instead of her country?</p><p>King Olaf thinks of a sickness, one the many physicians he has called have yet to cure. The people think of it as madness. Yet, Merlin knows the truth. It is an enchantment a certain sorcerer put on the Princess years ago and never freed her from.</p><p>Morgana thinks of the situation as their chance to 'bring Magic back into the world. If we can free Vivian from her spell, Olaf is bound to see Magic as a good thing.'</p><p>Lancelot is skeptic.</p><p>(And distressed about the whole situation. He knows all too well how much it hurts to love someone who does not love you back. He does not wish that on anyone. But to be <em>cursed</em> to feel that way? It is simply cruel.) </p><p>'Don't you think it would do the reverse? I mean: learning that all these years, his daughter was under a charm is bound to make him furious.'</p><p>Morgana curls her lips into a disappointed moue. Lancelot's hackles rise up. 'I thought you were the eternal optimist, Lancelot,' she mocks him. 'Should not you expect that Olaf finds grace in our actions rather than treat us with hostility?'</p><p>'I have hope in the people's hearts,' he gives her. 'It does not make me an idiot. I know people are more prompt to judge and reject help than to accept it.'</p><p>Morgana offers him a curtuous bow of the head. 'True. But we would not have to. We could simply tell him that his daughter is suffering from a sickness that only magic can heal.'</p><p>'We will do nothing of the sort,' Merlin puts in. </p><p>His friends look curiously at him. Aithusa, who's small body is lying on Merlin's head, purrs under their combined attention. Merlin holds back a smile. </p><p>'We will be honest. We will reveal that Trickster used Magic on Vivian, on the order of his King. We will reveal that because magic was used, only magic could be used to cure his daughter. The rest will be up to Olaf.'</p><p>Morgana throws him a dubious look. 'Are not you worried it will start a war?'</p><p>Lancelot is looking wary. 'Are you sure it is the best option? What if Olaf throws us in the dungeons for the use of more magic?'</p><p>'I am tired of lies and secrets,' Merlin admits. His friends fall silent. 'Either we tell the truth or we do nothing. And I do not think Vivian deserves to be cursed any longer.'</p><p>She never did in the first place.</p><p>*</p><p>They tell Olaf. The King gets red in the face and pulls his sword out. Lancelot pulls out his own and places himself between Olaf and Merlin while Morgana uses magic to keep the guards from attacking.</p><p>'Magic,' Olaf is spitting. 'I should have know.'</p><p>'Magic has nothing to do with the situation,' Merlin firmly rejects. Olaf looks at him with disbelief. (They all do.) Merlin stands his ground. 'Greed and a lust for war are the only reasons for your daughter's plight. Magic was used as a tool by another King you hold a treaty with, because it is a tool. Just like a sword is. Or like a few well placed words are. The intent was malevolent. And so the magic was malevolent.'</p><p>Olaf studies him wordlessly. His sword is still firmly in his hand but he does not threaten Merlin with it any longer.</p><p>Finally, the King speaks: 'What do you want?' </p><p>Merlin smiles grimly. 'I think you already know.'</p><p>*</p><p>They spell Vivian's true love to come to Court. And with Lady Elena's help, they are able to lift the curse off the Princess.</p><p>In exchange, Olaf complies and lift the death penalty for Magic in his Kingdom. </p><p>The King says that repelling the ban on Magic will take years but he is ready to start now.  Moreso, Princess Vivian promises to learn about Magic so she can be prepared to handle it with a Court Sorcerer/Sorceress at her side once she is crowned Queen.</p><p>They leave Anglia and the two Princesses with light hearts.</p><p>*</p><p>'<em>Dear Mithian</em>,' she writes.</p><p>'<em>Do you remember that red neckerchief we spoke fondly of? I found it in Anglia. It helped to deliver Vivian from a curse someone nefarious had put on her.</em><br/><em>I have lost the neckerchief again.</em><br/><em>May it find its way to you.</em></p><p><em>Your dear friend, </em><br/><em>Elena of Gawant</em>.'</p><p>*</p><p>They encounter more bandits and more issues with magic during their travels. Yet, their accomplishments in the Court of Anglia and the many hopeful dreams Morgana gets afterward, make them trudge on without faltering.</p><p>*</p><p>'Have you considered visiting your mother?,' Morgana asks one afternoon while they rest in a meadow.</p><p>Merlin looks at Aithusa who is lying between. 'I have.'</p><p>Lancelot stares at him. '...But it is too close to Camelot for you to visit.'</p><p>Merlin gives a curt nod. Morgana presses her lips.</p><p>'I write to her. And Gaius. They know I am well.'</p><p>*</p><p>They put repelling wards and protection spells around their campfires. They takes turns guarding the fires and each other. Aithusa always sleeps on one them and purrs the closer she gets the fires' warmth.</p><p>Their bonds to each other tighten.</p><p>*</p><p>They rescue a lone druid from thieves. </p><p>The druid gets wary then excited when he finds they have magic as well. Morgana thinks it a nice change. 'It has been a long time since I met sorcerers.'</p><p>'Why do you travel alone?,' Merlin asks.</p><p>Lancelot looks wary next to him. 'It is dangerous. You should not travel alone in those part of the woods.'</p><p>The druid laughs tiredly. 'I should not walk alone in any parts of the Five Kingdoms.' He shrugs. 'My tribe stays hidden in the middle of the woods. I was visiting a nearby village, a sick child that I heard about.'</p><p>'You still come out of the woods to help others?'</p><p>The druid stares at her quietly. 'Don't you?,' he retorts.</p><p>Morgana bites her tongue. <em>Druids</em>, she thinks with aggravation. Their lack of self-preservation never stops from annoying her. And yet. Isn't he right? Morgana would do anything to help their people, including putting herself in danger for them. Merlin is known from throwing himself head first into danger. And Lancelot would die for her friend (and maybe for her?) and any innocent he encounters, whether they have magic or not.</p><p>She guesses that they are all lacking in the self-preservation department.</p><p>'You lend me help like I did that child,' the druid continues when she keeps silent. 'Magic is banned across the lands. Not kindness.'</p><p>'We are working to have the ban on magic revoked,' she feels compels to say.</p><p>The druid blinks. 'There have beens... rumors,' he offers quietly.</p><p>They lean towards to him, alert. The druid's gaze sharpens as he studies them. </p><p>'... of a duo of sorcerers and a knight helping anyone in need.' The druid looks at Aithusa, this time lying in the grass next to Morgana. His lips twitch. 'And of their little friend.' Aithusa puffs out a ball of fire. The druid turns back to face them. 'I hope you succeed in your endeavours. May the goddess look after you.'</p><p>*</p><p>They find Gilly -or does Gilly find them?- in a cursed village a couple of weeks later.</p><p>'What do you mean 'cursed'?, Morgana asks while she and Lancelot look warily around them.</p><p>'I mean cursed,' his friend insists. 'As in: fires start and douse on themselves. Frogs can talk and swears day and night. The barkeepers' ale keeps morphing into water, to his client's deception. And an old man has hair two meters long.'</p><p>'Why does not he just cut it?,' Merlin asks curiously.</p><p>'Every time someone does it regrows over night.' Gilly narrows his eyes at Morgana. 'Aren't you Lady Morgana? The one who took Camelot's throne?' He turns uncertain eyes his way. 'Merlin, what are you doing with her?!'</p><p>'It's alright, she's with us,' Lancelot reassures him, defending her.</p><p>Merlin can see Morgana eyeing the knight with a careful grin.</p><p>He shakes his head, trying to focus back on the matter. 'Gilly... Are you sure you're not the one responsible for this mess?'</p><p>'Merlin!,' Gilly yells. </p><p>'Unconsciouly, obviously,' he defends himself. 'You did try to kill Uther.'</p><p>'Really?' Morgana asks excitedly.</p><p>'Hush,' he says. 'No bonding over killing the king.'</p><p>'The time when I was a reckless boy are over anyway. I'm better now,' Gilly refutes with a proud grin. (Morgana rolls her eyes.) 'I assure you it is not my doing. Have you come to help?'</p><p>Merlin exchanges glances with his companions -the human ones as Aithusa has left them two days ago to hunt for herself.</p><p>'No, we're travelling,' he settles. Gilly eyes them dubiously. 'But we'll help. Do you know when the troubles started?'</p><p>*</p><p>It is not a curse. A child had the misfortune to gain the village an imp's ire after marching on its favorite hide out. </p><p>After Merlin and her succeeds in breaking the enchantments, thus making the villagers' reluctant  acceptance of their magic melt into careful approval, they go to bargain with the imp.</p><p>It ends with the imp being blown out. </p><p>Merlin dully looks at her.</p><p>'What,' Morgana snaps.</p><p>'You're supposed to have a better handle on your powers,' he teases.</p><p>'I have perfect control on them.'</p><p>'You call that 'perfect control'?!,' he gesture towards the imp's remnants.</p><p>'He was theatening to set a kelpie on us.'</p><p>Merlin rises an eyebrow. Morgana figures he is trying to imitate Gaius at his most imperious moments.  He only gets an aborted laugh from her.</p><p>Merlin rolls his eyes. 'He was bluffing.'</p><p>'Would you have bet our lives on it?,' she taunts.</p><p>Her friend makes a face.</p><p>Morgana grins. 'How about you stop frowning at me and show me that trick with the lightening again?'</p><p>Merlin tries to stay serious and admonishing a bit longer but ends up conceding.</p><p>*</p><p>They spend the brunt of winter in the village, in a house that has been liberated for them in thanks for the imp's destruction.</p><p>The days are full of exercices, both magical and physical. Merlin and her (and Gilly when he joins them) strengthen their magic and learn new spells from each other -she was not kidding about the lightning, she craves to do the same. </p><p>More often than not children will come to them and watch from afar. Sometimes, some of the oldest gent -those that remember magic from before the Purge, Morgana guesses- will join too.</p><p>Lancelot and her exchange bouts every mornings. Their training also attracts attention, although the villagers are less reluctant to approach them  than during the magical practices. Some of them come to Lancelot and ask him to teach them some tricks. She is proud to see a few girls/women among them.</p><p>Yet, Morgana admits she is annoyed than none of them asked her to give them pointers.</p><p>'It's because they're wary of you,' Merlin grins.</p><p>Morgana crosses her arms and glares. 'What would they have to be wary about? They do not know who I am.'</p><p>'They don't need to know your name. Everything about you screams 'powerful and not be messed with'. They're taking it to heart.'</p><p>She feels the shadow of Uther's upbringing passing like a ghost above her.</p><p>She tightens her jaw and shakes it away. 'What do I do?' </p><p>Merlin shrugs. 'You show them that as long as they behave, they have nothing to fear from you.'</p><p>She will always be struck by Merlin's nonchalance. He knows that she could whip that village from any map, make the earth bleed and every inhabitant's bones shatter. Yet, he appears not to care. Because he trust not to do so.</p><p>
  <em>When no one believes in you, I do.</em>
</p><p>Morgana's smile is conniving. 'Let's give them a show.'</p><p>*</p><p>The evenings are quieter.</p><p>Lancelot often reads by the fire, Aithusa purring on his knees like an overgrown cat. Merlin lies on the floor in front of him, his head lying against the knight's legs. </p><p>Morgana laughs that Lancelot is a dragon/lord's tree. </p><p>Morgana and Gilly seat in two other chairs settled next to Lancelot's. The sorcerers ('sorry, Merlin. <em>Warlock.</em>') talk quietly about anything that goes through their mind; training, new magic spells, their respective travels, medicine, the laws they'd implement if they were rulers (because Morgana may not seek to be Queen any longer but she is still royalty and keeps a ruler mindset), how to survive in dark forests, etc. One night, they finally broach onto Gilly's attempt on Uther's life, to her excitement and despite Merlin's weak counter arguments.</p><p>They spend yule together, with Aithusa making the fires.</p><p>It reminds her of the evenings she used to share with her father (the real one, the one who loved her for who she was, not Uther).</p><p>She never wants to leave.</p><p>*</p><p>'Arthur?,' he hears Guenevere inquire as she enters their rooms. </p><p>He hears the drapery of his wife's dress rustling as she walks over to him. He feels her shin settle on his left shoulder, her arms embracing him from behind.</p><p>'What are you doing, watching from that window once again?'</p><p>Arthur uncrosses his arms and puts his hands on Guenevere's. He presses them lightly.</p><p>'Thinking. It is the first Yule I spend without Merlin,' he muses. 'I wonder where he is. If it's warm.'</p><p>'And safe,' she completes.</p><p>Arthur feels her nod against his shoulder.</p><p>'I am sure he is alright.'</p><p><em>I hope so,</em> he thinks.</p><p>*</p><p>'Thinking about Arthur?,' he hears Lancelot ask.</p><p>Merlin hums, his head still in the palm of his hand, his eyes on the chimney's fire and his minds miles away.</p><p>He startles when he feels a hand on his left shoulder. He stares upward and meets Lancelot's empathetic gaze.</p><p>'I am sorry. What were you saying?'</p><p>Lancelot grins fondly and takes a seat at the table Merlin's seating at. 'I believe you have answered my question.'</p><p>Merlin pouts. His friend chuckles.</p><p>Merlin turns back to contemplate the flames. 'Do you... think Arthur sometimes thinks about us?' <em>About me?</em></p><p>He feels his friend's eyes on him but keeps on looking ahead of him.</p><p>'I can not imagine otherwise.'</p><p>'Do you think he is angry?' <em>Do you think he hates me?</em></p><p>'I believe Arthur misses you more than he could ever be angry.'</p><p>Merlin exhales the breath he's been holding.</p><p>'Do you regret leaving?,' Lancelot asks quieter.</p><p>This time, Merlin chooses to meet his stare head on. 'No, I do not.'</p><p>He misses Arthur but he does not regret leaving. He left for Morgana. And now he has her, and Aithusa, and Lancelot and Gilly. And it may only be an illusion sent by Destiny, Fate or the gods but for the first time in living memory he feels <strong>free</strong>. </p><p>He left Arthur and Camelot for Morgana. And he stays away for himself.</p><p>*</p><p>Gwaine is never awkward. He is a smooth talker, a beautiful man, a dashing knight  and a lover. He knows how to be interesting, he knows how to be entertaining, he knows how to be charming enough that people will be flattered and smiling in a ten minutes space -fifteen if the lass/lad is a hard one to impress. He has no reason to feel awkward, let alone nervous.</p><p>But this is not a lovely lass or lad to seduce, nor even a snooty noble to put back into place or a bandit to arrest.</p><p>'I have been patient, sir knight. Now will you finally tell me why you have come visit me in my humble abode?'</p><p>This is <em>Merlin</em>'s mother. Delightful -and hard to impress- Hunith of Ealdor. </p><p>Of course Gwaine is feeling awkward and nervous!</p><p>He smiles his best winning smile -which only garners him a blank stare from the woman- and finally stop eluding the subject that brought him here. 'I have not received any news from Merlin, yet. I thought you'd know if any of his letters have been lost?'</p><p>From the other side of the dining table, lady Hunith remains impassive.</p><p>Gwaine valiantly keeps smiling. A couple more beats of this, and he thinks his smile might stay stuck on his face. </p><p>Lady Hunith twines her hands together and steadily stares at him.</p><p>Gwaine figures it is still his turn to talk. 'Merlin has been gone from Camelot for close to ten months. And I have barely heard of him.'</p><p>'You mean to say that you have had no news from him,' Lady Hunith interjects.</p><p>No, he means that he barely heard from his friend, as in: '<em>I know Merlin wrote to Gaius and you so he is still alive and apparently well but I was not able to steal any of the older man's letters so I don't know what Merlin wrote about and if he really</em> <em>is well</em>.'</p><p>Gwaine keeps on smiling. 'I was wondering if you had received anything lately.'</p><p>
  <em>For me.</em>
</p><p>Lady Hunith's impassive face melts and reveals a soft gaze and an empathetic smile.</p><p>Gwaine thinks that he prefered the blank mask rather than the compassionate one. It meant that Merlin's mother isn't looking at him with veiled pity.</p><p>'I am sorry, sir knight.'</p><p>'Gwaine,' he puts in.</p><p>'Sir Gwaine,' Lady Hunith corrects with an inclination of the head.</p><p>He hates it. This his best friend's mother, she should not feel obligated to treat him with any kind of decorum.</p><p>'Just Gwaine,' he insists.</p><p>Lady Hunith offers him a genuine smile -the first one since she welcomed him in her and Merlin's childhood home. Gwaine would feel relieved if he did not feel anxious about her next words.</p><p>'Gwaine. To my knowledge, my son has not written to anyone beside Gaius and I.'</p><p>Gwaine swallows heavily. He gives another <em>tight </em>smile. 'Did he wrote to you about the reason why?'</p><p>Merlin's mother stares around them, at the warm house his closest friend grew up in, before she turns back to face him. 'Do you know that my son only left Ealdor because I forced him to?'</p><p>Gwaine frowns, confused. 'Excuse me?'</p><p>Lady Hunith grins fondly. 'He would not admit it but he did not feel at home here.  Ealdor was too little, too small, too stifling for him. But he refused to leave on his own because his friend Will loved Ealdor and refused to leave.' The woman shakes her head, her grin turning nostalgic. 'Will would have left with him if Merlin had only asked. But he did not. Instead, Merlin kept on trying to fit in. And in doing so Ealdor became even smaller and stifling to him. So I contacted my brother and sent Merlin to him.'</p><p>Gwaine stares unashamedly at her. 'Gaius said the same about Merlin to Arthur.' Lady Hunith raises an inquiring eyebrow. 'He said he was feeling stifled in Camelot.'</p><p>She slowly nods. 'I figured as much from what I read in his letters. When I sent him to Camelot it was in the hopes that my boy would finally find a home. He did not.'</p><p>'So he left in search of one,' he resumes.</p><p>'He did.'</p><p>Gwaine can understand that. After he left his own childhood home he spent years traveling and, while Gwaine liked the travels, soon enough an excited traveler without a destination in mind becomes a weary one and then a tired wanderer. Gwaine had been tired of all his travels by the time he met Merlin. And Merlin, with his guileless eyes and his brilliant smile and his kindness and generous heart (Merlin who had secrets that burdened him but that kept refusing on sharing them with Gwaine to lighten the load, and yes Gwaine knows about the secrets, why do you think he shared the truth about his parentage mere days after meeting the man? Gwaine knows how to read people even if he does not what Merlin keeps secret), offered him a place to stay in and then a home.</p><p>How did Gwaine never notice Merlin never thought of Camelot as such? </p><p>'Why did not he tell me?'</p><p>He startles when something warm settles on his right hand. He looks down and sees that Merlin's mother put a hand on his own.</p><p><em>She is just her like son, </em>he thinks<em>, offering comfort to anyone in needs of it. Or most likely, Merlin is like her and took after</em> <em>her</em>.</p><p>'He did not because Camelot is your home and he did not want you to feel obligated to leave it for him. Just like he did Will when they were younger.'</p><p>But it does not make sense either. Because Camelot is home <strong>because</strong> of Merlin, and without him it feels like the roof is gone and the warmth with it.</p><p>*</p><p>Gwaine is back in Camelot before he remembers to ask if Lady Hunith knows of the reason why Merlin has not written to any of them yet. </p><p>It does not matter. He will ask her the next time he goes to visit her.</p><p>... With apple pies. Lots and lots of apple pies. Lady Hunith deserves something as pure and good as apple pies, and Gwaine swears he'll bring as many as his horse can support. Even if it means he has to travel all the way to Ealdor by walking next to his horse.</p><p>* </p><p>They leave the village in the first warmed days of Spring and continue their travel, Gilly in tow. After a few of months helping more people with their magic, their swords and Merlin's healing knowledge, their foot somehow lead them to what is left of the Fisher King's kingdom. </p><p>'I met him,' Merlin comments. </p><p>'Who? The Fisher King?' Merlin nods. 'How could you have met him?,' Gilly asks bemusedly. 'I heard the man died centuries ago.'</p><p>Merlin shakes his head. 'His lands were not the only ones to be cursed. The Fisher King was cursed as well.'</p><p>Morgana slightly turns her head to look at him while he trudges behind her. 'Was? You mean that the fabled King is now roaming his Kindgom freely?'</p><p>Merlin huffs a laugh. 'Now, I mean that he died. Remember that time Arthur had to go on that mission to prove himself as King?'</p><p>His friend turns her head back and chuckles. 'I sure do.'</p><p>Gilly, who walks next to him, and Lancelot, who walks in front of them next to Morgana, look at the both of them with curiosity (and a heavy dose of wariness of Lancelot's part. Just because his friend has learned to trust and rely on Morgana does not mean he forgot how dangerous she can be.)</p><p>'Morgana had enchanted a bracelet she gave Arthur at the time,' he explains. 'It was supposed to slowly kill him.'</p><p>Gilly makes a sound. 'Remind me to never upset you.'</p><p>'I will,' is her smug answer.</p><p>'Gwaine and I followed Arthur to the King's Castle. It is when I saw him.'</p><p>'What did he look like?' Lancelot asks.</p><p>'Old,' he responds. Gilly snorts. 'Really old. And tired.'</p><p>Lancelot makes a sympathetic sound. 'I would be too if I had lived longer than the Kingdom I swore to protect.'</p><p>The rest of them go guiet at his solemn words.</p><p>*</p><p>They reach the bridge that Grettir is still guarding.</p><p>The dwarf eyes their party with interest. 'Greetings, Magic.'</p><p>Merlin smiles amusedly. 'Greetings, Grettir.'</p><p>'I was not sure you and your friends would come.'</p><p>'We did not expect to come either,' Morgana answers.</p><p>Grettir stares at her intently. 'I <em>knew</em> you would come,' he insists. Morgana stares back in interest. 'The Seer,' he names. 'The Knight and the Guide.' He looks up at Aithusa who is flying in circles above them in the sky. 'And the White Dragon.' He turns back to look at them. 'I saw you coming. Yet, there are many paths to follow and only few where you arrive here as allies.'</p><p>'You are a seer as well,' Morgana comments breathlessly.</p><p>'Of sorts,' the Dwarf replies with a tilt of his head.</p><p>'The Great Dragon keeps insisting that all paths leads to the same destination,' Merlin says as he gets closer to Morgana and Grettir and settles next to his friend.</p><p>Grettir's smile is enigmatic. 'The Great Dragon knows a lot. But he does not know all.'</p><p>'I swear you're worst than Kilgharrah,' he whispers, annoyed by yet another cryptic being in his life.</p><p>Grettir's smile deepens. 'Why should I allow you to enter those lands?'</p><p>'There is no more King in those lands, why should not we be allowed to enter them?,' Gilly asks in genuine curiosity.</p><p>'The King has gone but I am still here, Guide. I guard those lands.'</p><p>'Why do you call me 'Guide'?'</p><p>'That is for me to know and for you to find.'</p><p>Gilly stares blankly at him. 'Al...right.'</p><p>Lancelot, who's kept silent until then, politely asks: 'What are you asking of us to allow us entry?'</p><p>Grettir's eyes twinkle. 'I want to know what you intend to do if I allow you to pass my bridge.'</p><p>They look at one another. They have not thought beyond continuing to walk, ride and travel. </p><p>Grettir hums.</p><p>'Rest,' Lancelot chooses to answer. 'Find a place to settle in before we continue our travel.'</p><p>The rest of them nod.</p><p>Grettir gives them another mysterious smile. 'Or maybe you will decide to stay.'</p><p>*</p><p>The Fisher King's Kingdom, also known as the Perilous Lands, has flourished since Merlin last visited. Still, he has heard that no one has dared to enter the grounds (except for the small groups of  bandits). </p><p>It suffices his friends and he. They start to build a little home for themselves. </p><p>*</p><p>Somehow, it flourishes into a Kindgom. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*I was really excited about Vivian's return because the show did her dirty and never came back on her. So, this is my try on her being freed of that love spell and being given the opportunity to spend the rest of her long and fulfilling life with her one true love. I name thy: Princess Elena 🌺</p><p>One day, they will unit their powerful kingdoms and rule them together, WITH their Court Sorcerers/esses at their sides and powerful allies in allied Kingdoms :)<br/>(and honestly, I don't really care if two princesses/queens being in love with each other and ruling together is inconceivable for the time. there are are dragons who can talk and kings marrying goddamn trolls in that show, why could not there be an arrogant princess marrying her clumsy princess only for them to become a power couple?)</p><p>*Fun fact: I watched the movie 'Into the Woods' (2014) recently and I kept on thinking about that when I wrote the meeting of the druid with our little gang in a forest:<br/>'Why do you travel alone?,' Merlin asks.<br/>Lancelot looks wary next to him. 'It is dangerous. You should not travel alone in those part of the woods.'</p><p>'Into the Woods' (2014):<br/>Witches can be right, Giants can be good.<br/>You decide what's right, you decide what's good<br/>Just remember:<br/>Someone is on your side, someone else is not<br/>While we're seeing our side<br/>Maybe we forgot: they are not alone.<br/>No one is alone<br/>...which actually fits the rest of the story quite well. </p><p>*'The barkeepers' ale keeps morphing into water, to his client's deception.' I kept thinking about Gwaine and how sullen he'd be had he been with them.</p><p>*bth Gwaine totally sneaked in. He was not supposed to appear before the very last chapter but, i don't know, I guess he kept being offended at not being included before :)</p><p>*I know Hunith is not a lady, but she is Merlin's mother and in Gwaine's mind it means she totally totally deserves the title (:)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Embracing the future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They don't intend to build a kindgom.</p><p>It just happens.</p><p>Years later, Merlin still won't be able to tell you how they did it.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana, Lancelot, Gilly and he build a home for themselves.</p><p>They build a large room whithout a ceiling for Aithusa (although Morgana and he create a magical dome to keep rain, snow and lightning from falling inside), even if she prefers to spend her time following them inside and outside the castle.</p><p>(It was never meant to grow into a castle. How the hell did this happen? For the record, he blames Morgana.)</p><p>They leave an empty room for Grettir, in case the dwarf decides to leave his bridge and rest.</p><p>(He never will although he will appreciate the room and use it as a storage room for the things he'll gain (steal?) from the visitors of his bridge).</p><p>And then people start to venture in the Perilous Lands-</p><p>(Lancelot thought it good to keep the name despite their skepticism: 'it will warn off anyone susceptible to bring harm to us,' he said.)</p><p>-having somehow heard about Emrys and the Last High Priestess settling there.</p><p>(Here Merlin knows to point the blame at Alator.)</p><p>More people follow; magic users in hiding. Druids. Smugglers. People having lost dear one. Lost people. Travelers. Tristan.</p><p>Tristan does not look surprised to discover that Merlin has magic. He is not surprised either to see him with Morgana.</p><p>(Tristan never stays in the Perilous Lands, he can never stay in the same vicinity as Morgana after the way he lost Isolde. Yet, he is a regular visitor. He often brings weary travelers with him.)</p><p>The people grow their own food. Farming animals join them. As well as riding horses.</p><p>Lancelot and Morgana take on training anyone willing to learn to fight or already knowing about it and willing to better train themselves. Gilly takes on teaching the children and anyone desiring to learn to read.</p><p>Druids want to meet with him. Cathas want to meet with him. Magic users want to meet both Merlin and Morgana (druids are mostly still wary of her while cathas already know her).</p><p>Without he realises it, their home has become a village, then a town and it kept on growing until it became (<em>don't say it, it will make it</em> <em>real:</em>) a kingdom.</p><p>Merlin tries to deny it. He can not have left one kingdom behind to build another.</p><p>Yet, he can not ignore it anymore when Queen Annis sends them a missive, asking them if she can come visit and discuss a peace treaty, exchanged goods and trading routes between their two kingdoms.</p><p>How did this happen again?!</p><p>*</p><p>'We need thrones,' Morgana announces primly.</p><p>Merlin frowns in confusion. 'What for?'</p><p>'Because Annis thinks we are a kingdom, Merlin. And she is not wrong.'</p><p>Merlin stammers. Morgana puts her hands on her hips and stares at him.</p><p>'We may not have had the mind to create one, but the proof is here. The Perilous Lands, with all its people we welcomed and daily protect, have become a kindgom. Ours.'</p><p>Merlin stares blankly at his friend. Morgana looks sideways at Lancelot who shakes his head.</p><p>'If it makes you feel better,' she adds while turning back to him, 'we are a small kingdom.'</p><p>Merlin splutters. 'It does not make me feel better!'</p><p>Gilly, who's kept silent until then, makes a sound as Aithusa settles her head (it is quite a large head -look at her, their girl has grown!) on his legs. 'Huh.'</p><p>'Aithusa,' Morgana and he warn.</p><p>Aithusa grumbles but lowers her head on the floor.</p><p>'Thanks.' Gilly extends his legs, shifting to bring back circulation back to them. 'What do we do about the thrones?'</p><p>Merlin shakes his head energetically. 'No thrones.'</p><p>'Yes, thrones,' his three traitorous friends reply in chorus.</p><p>'Who would we put on those?!'</p><p>His friends stares at him either incredulous (Gilly), with exasperation (Morgana) or supportively (Lancelot).</p><p>Merlin laughs in disbelief. 'No.'</p><p>His friends nod.</p><p>'NO!,' he repeats more forcefully.</p><p>His friends nod.</p><p>'I said: NO!'</p><p>Morgana rolls her eyes. 'You will not be alone, obviously. I will govern with you.'</p><p>'I will not be governing anything,' he hisses.</p><p>'Morgana and you built all of this together,' Gilly says while lowering his legs back the ground. 'It seems right that you'd rule it.'</p><p>'It was supposed to be a simple home!,' Merlin reminds them. 'One that we built all four of us together.'</p><p>A fireball passes behind him.</p><p>'Five of us,' he corrects.</p><p>'I'm a teacher,' Gilly replies. 'Lancelot is a knight and everyone treats him as their captain.' Morgana turns her fiery gaze on him. 'And everyone looks at you both as their leaders.'</p><p>Morgana's glare softens. She turns to smile triumphantly at Merlin.</p><p>'...let's ask the people what they think about all of it,' he decides, sure that it will settle the matter.</p><p>*</p><p>Indeed, the matter is settled after only two days. Because the people unanimously respond that their leaders are Morgana and Merlin and that it is high time a ceremony is thrown to make it official.</p><p>('It was not official?,' one of the travelers-turned-smith asks with skepticism.</p><p>Merlin turns mulish.)</p><p>*</p><p>They get thrones.</p><p>Merlin put his foot down at getting crowns.</p><p>'Rulers get crowns,' Gilly replies haughtily. Merlin gets two seconds off from being miffed and tries no to laugh at his friend's playful reaction. 'Morgana and you are Queen and King,' his friend continues more seriously. 'You ought to have crowns.'</p><p>'Not the king,' he replies.</p><p>(He'll keep on saying this for the rest of his life.)</p><p>'Consort, then,' Morgana retorts to mollify him.</p><p>(She'll continue do so for the rest of <em>her</em> life.)</p><p>'If you don't want a crown, you would settle for a scepter?,' Lancelot offers, always the peaceful one.</p><p>Morgana widens her eyes. 'The Cathas have made you one.'</p><p>Merlin looks at her in curiosity. 'What did they gift you with?' Morgana's face splits with a devilish smirk. 'You know what, I don't want to know.'</p><p>He is recompensed with her laugh.</p><p>*</p><p>Annis studies the two of them with keen eyes. 'It seems I was wrong about you,' she says. 'Both of you.'</p><p>Morgana smirks.</p><p>(She was always good at hiding her discomfort and upset.)</p><p>'We always strive to prove people wrong about us,' she declares.</p><p>Annis' lips curl upwards. 'It pays to be underestimated,' she agrees. 'However I think your reputation will soon change for the better.'</p><p>*</p><p>'She used to think I would end up like Uther,' she reveals in the hours that follow Annis' departure.</p><p>Merlin settles next to her while she watches the night fall. 'You know that you are not the same, right.' Morgana keeps on looking at the sky, deep in an unerving silence. 'You are not,' he repeats forcefully. 'Just because you share the same blood does not mean you will end up the same.'</p><p>'Pendragons,' she murmurs.</p><p>'You are not your father, Morgana.'</p><p>She stops avoiding his gaze and settles her eyes on him. 'If a day happens where I behave too much like him, you shall tell me,' she quietly orders. 'And you shall do what is necessary to protect our people. To protect yourself.'</p><p>Merlin does not blink. 'That day will never come,' he assures her.</p><p>She thinks about the mere weeks she spent as Camelot's Queen and the anger she unleashed on the people each time she took the throne.</p><p>She does not waver.</p><p>'Promise me, Merlin.'</p><p>Merlin clenches his jaw and curses Uther Pendragon's memory. 'I promise,' he grits through his teeth.</p><p>Morgana exhales in relief. 'Thank you.'</p><p>*</p><p>'Do you really need to coddle me?,' he does not whine. 'You are not my mother, Morgana.'</p><p>Morgana's lips pull upward. 'Speaking about mothers...,' she simpers. And Merlin grimaces because he just knows what is coming. 'Yours is getting frustrated with the letters you are sending her.'</p><p>'Why?'</p><p>'Because you keep on coddling her instead of telling her the truth.' Morgana looks pointedly at him. 'Do you want to tell me why?'</p><p>'Because she does not need to know everything. If she does, she will worry.'</p><p>Morgana rolls her eyes. 'Hunith always worries, Merlin. She worried when you were in Camelot, she worried when you left Camelot and she worries now that you are King of a magical Kingdom.'</p><p>'Not the King,' he automatically corrects.</p><p>'Consort then,' Morgana replies, as trained in this as he is. 'She is a mother. She is always going to worry.'</p><p>Merlin sighs. 'I will try to be... more truthful.'</p><p>Morgana nods not at all sympatically. 'Good. No stop mauling, we've got sessions to attend.'</p><p>*</p><p>Merlin stops coddling his mother and goes to visit her in Ealdor to tell her the whole truth.</p><p>Hunith hugs him fiercely and says: 'how proud of you I am.'</p><p>Merlin does not fall into tears.</p><p>(He does. But it's alright. She is his mother. She only hugs him tighter.) </p><p>*</p><p>Merlin keeps on writing to Gaius but he can never bring himself to say that he leads a kingdom with Morgana. Not because he is ashamed, his father figure knows why he left and never begrudged him for it, but because he was not born to be king, a leader.</p><p>Gaius reads between the lines anyway and congratulates him.</p><p>*</p><p>Sometimes it still baffles him how far Morgana and he have gone. From scared and hiding sorcerers to this.</p><p>
  <strike>He wonders what Arthur would think.</strike>
</p><p>*</p><p>Aithusa sneaks in his room at night and places her head on his stomach, just like she used to when they were traveling the countries with Morgana and Lancelot. He puts a hand on her head and looks at his bed's canopy.</p><p>'Do you still enjoy your new home, Aithusa?'</p><p>'<em>Yes, I do, father</em>,' she purrs inside his mind. '<em>It</em> <em>is a good</em> <em>home</em>.'</p><p>Merlin smiles in the dark. 'Yes, it is.'</p><p>*</p><p>'Are you going to sit on your throne?,' Morgana teases him three months after their coronation.</p><p>The Queen is seated on her own throne. She looks as regal and prim as she did when they both lived in Camelot (before she discovered she was a sorceress and started fearing for her life).</p><p>Merlin is starkly reminded of those early days in Camelot, when he was the peasant newly appointed (cursed) with a position as a prince prat's servant and she was Lady Morgana, ward of the king and first lady of the Kingdom.</p><p>A world separated them.</p><p>And now a new one is uniting them.</p><p>Merlin fakes an annoyed huff for show-<br/>as everyone knows he feels uncomfortable sitting on a throne, because he may be Emrys but he grew up a bastard and slept on the ground until he came to Camelot and the feeling of unease and not-belonging/usurpation does not go away easily- but for once he readily accepts to sit on his throne.</p><p>They are right. All of them. Morgana and he built this haven together, with Lancelot and Gilly and Aithusa. They each have their roles to play to keep it going. Morgana's and Merlin's is to stand as equals in front of the eyes of their people, and those seats standing next to each other is the ultimate proof.</p><p>He is so relieved he stayed true to his beliefs instead of listening to Kilgharrah.</p><p>*</p><p>It takes a while for Merlin to settle in his new life but he slowly learns to live with it.</p><p>Morgana and he are the Queen and <strike>King</strike> Consort of the Perilous Lands.</p><p>(because everyone and their mother might be harping about how Morgana and he both built this kingdom and how he is <em>Emrys</em> but Merlin will always refuse to take on the mantle of King. He had seen what the weight did to Arthur and he does not feel up to it. He certainly does not want to replace the weight of Destiny by it.)</p><p>Morgana, though. Morgana makes a wondrous Queen.</p><p>(Merlin does not dislike taking on the mantle of consort if it means it lightens Morgana's load. And Merlin knows his friend and he knows that whatever she says, and however she acts, being Queen again sometimes makes her anxious. Morgana loathes the thought of being the kind of ruler she was when she took Camelot and frets about becoming a pantomime of Uther. He also knows that seeing him at her side and feeling Aithusa pressing against her calf are enough to reassure her.)</p><p>The first knight is Lancelot, who is as humble as ever and always prompt to delegate some responsibilities to his second if it means he gets to help another knight struggling with his training.</p><p>(or some poor woman/man having a stroke, or a stranger lost while visiting the city, or a child having a question or a wounded bird. Look, Lancelot might be the most noble of them all but he is awful at this responsability gig. It does explain his propency to follow Merlin whenever he decides to head into trouble.)</p><p>Gilly is the head teacher of the school they built. And while his load has grown heavier with the numerous people attending his school, he makes a point of continuing to teach classes himself and teaching anyone willing to listen about the difference between what you <em>think</em> is right and what <strong>is</strong> right.</p><p>(He has personal experience, mind you not as much as Merlin and Morgana do, but enough to catch his listener's attention and weave cautionary tales around them.)</p><p>They have a council of advisors made of people they trust; Lancelot and Gilly, the druid Iseldir, the cathas Alathor and Fiona, other druids and magic users that crossed their boundaries and came to join them as well as non-magic users.</p><p>(They listen to them all and treat them all the same. They would not dare to discriminate, they know all too well what if it feels like to be outsiders and discarded.)</p><p>Morgana makes monthly visits to Priests and Priestesses that have found their way on the Isle of the Blessed and covered its sacred grounds by a clever spell so as not to be bothered by prying eyes.</p><p>Aithusa...</p><p>Aithusa takes pleasure in bathing in the sunlight in the courtyard, on roofs, balconies, training grounds, etc. making her pure white scales gleam, and being the center of people's attention.</p><p>(Even Kilgharrah rolls fondly his eyes at her, as much as a centuries-old dragon can.)</p><p>They do not hear from/of Mordred.</p><p>*</p><p>'I did not see this,' Kilgharrah admits.</p><p>They are standing on a cliff overlooking the castle and the lower town, with Aithusa making rounds around them. From this point, and with the sun high in the sky with Aithusa sometimes passing for a fluffy cloud, Merlin can follow the sunrays's path toward his home: passing over the citadel and the High Tower, shining above the lower houses and illuminating the colourful spells his kind is waving in the streets, caressing all of his people's faces without any show of preference and giving them all their warmth.</p><p>It feels like the Goddess is here herself and showing her appreciation for what they have built.</p><p>'It is because destiny is not stuck in stone,' Aithusa interrumpts his musing.</p><p>She has slowly learned how to speak and Merlin feel immensely proud of her.</p><p>Kilgharrah watches her make invisible figures in the air. 'There are many paths to follow but only one destination.'</p><p>'And yet, Morgana is not evil. Merlin is not standing by Arthur. The two of them are not enemies.'</p><p>Merlin feels a familiar pinch in the gut at the mention of Arthur. He tries to distract himself: 'Why won't you come settle with us?,' he asks his old friend.</p><p>'Your Kindgom has grown and has become a safe haven for all.'</p><p>Merlin keeps from mumbling that he had never intended to built a Kingdom but nobody ever bothers to listen to that particular argument anymore so he lets it go.</p><p>'It has,' he acknowledges instead. 'We all worked for it,' he adds, putting an emphasis on the 'we'.</p><p>Kilgharrah blinks his golden eyes at him.</p><p>
  <em>Got it.</em>
</p><p>'The Perilous Lands are a safe haven for all, but all have not found it yet.'</p><p>'So... you're saying you are what? That you are showing them the path?'</p><p><em>Like Gilly</em>, he can't help but think.</p><p>'And keeping an eye on threats to Albion. You would do well to do the same, Merlin,' his kin rumbles before abruptly rising in the air.</p><p>Aithusa huffs and flies down to settle next to him. 'He is overdramatic.'</p><p>Merlin chortles. 'You're one to talk.'</p><p>*</p><p>If Morgana makes frequent visits to the Isle of the Blessed, Merlin takes on venturing the country. He is a peasant at heart and no fancy title is ever going to change that.</p><p>Still, he is a bit discomfited to discover that the people treat him with more clamour than he expected. Their applauds and the flowers they throw his way, the frenetic handshakes and the many thank yous they give him make him uncomfortable.</p><p>'They love you,' Lancelot explains once they have left one village, riding to another. 'They are not in awe of your status. They are welcoming you because of what you did for them.'</p><p>Merlin eyes him dubiously. 'I did not do anything.'</p><p>He feels that Lancelot, if he was not the chivalrous man Merlin knows him to be, would roll his eyes at the comment. Instead, his friend stares at him with a fire in his eyes Merlin has rarely seen in him.</p><p>'You built them a home,' he says harshly. 'A secure one. One in which they can be themselves, without fear of being persecuted and chased from.'</p><p>Merlin swallows heavily. He wants to look away but his friend's gaze is so enthralling that Merlin can't.</p><p>'One in which they are accepted and loved and can love in return.'</p><p>'Morgana,' he whispers.</p><p>Lancelot shakes his head. 'I am not saying Morgana has nothing do to with it. I am saying that you have done as much for them as she did. Do you remember why you left Camelot in the first place?'</p><p>Merlin closes his eyes. 'For Morgana. Because she was alone.'</p><p>'And?,' the knight presses.</p><p>Merlin exhales slowly. 'And because I could not see magic being returned in Camelot.'</p><p>Lancelot goes quiet next to him but his silence is fulled of tensed, unsaid words. Merlin keeps his eyes closed, choosing to let the sunrays' warm his face and letting it calm his nerves.</p><p>'The people love you Merlin. Not because of your title. Not because they recognise you as a figure of prophecy. But because of what you have done for them. <strong>Let them</strong> <strong>love</strong> <strong>you</strong>.'</p><p>*</p><p>He does.</p><p>*</p><p>Annis surprisingly becomes a regular visitor. The Queen likes to engage into heavy debates with Morgana and seems to be weirdly amused by him.</p><p>'I swear she still takes me for Arthur's fool,' he comments one day, baffled.</p><p>Morgana is too occupied glaring at a visiting Priestess to respond.</p><p>(She may like them on paper but in reality Morgana is always annoyed than she has to let half her duty as a High Priestess in the Priest and Priestesses of the Isle of the Blessed's hands to rule her kingdom, despite Merlin's reassurances that they understand and respect her too much to look down at her for it. It is half the reason she visits the Isle so often, the other being that Morgana <strong>cares</strong> and prefers to strengthen their protection wards herself.)</p><p>'I'm sure she does not,' his loyal friend Lancelot comforts him. 'She likes you.' Merlin eyes him dubiously. 'She simply has her own peculiar way of showing it,' his friends insists.</p><p>'By asking me to juggle?'</p><p>*</p><p>Vivian and Elena are not far behind. Vivian is enchanted (pun-intended) by the magic and learns as much from their way of ruling as she can, as lessons for her future rule. Elena stays near Aithusa and covers her with affection every time she visits. Aithusa, who keeps on acting like an overgrown cat even when she is now built like a horse, loves all the attention she is given and often takes her on rides.</p><p>'It is better than horse riding,' the disheveled Princess cries joyously as she hugs the white dragon.</p><p>Aithusa preens. 'Of course it is.'</p><p>'Are we sure she is not going to leave us for them one day?,' Gilly whispers in his ear.</p><p>Merlin shrugs.</p><p>*</p><p>Mithian hears about them from Elena. She accompagnies the princesses during one of their visit and, while she seems tensed in Morgana's presence, she treats him with a genuine smile.</p><p>'I thought there was something about you,' she reveals as the two of them take a walk in the gardens.</p><p>'Yes?</p><p>'Yes,' she presses. 'I could not guess what.'</p><p>'It was the magic,' he laughs uneasily.</p><p>Princess Mithian looks at him shrewdly. 'No, it was not.' Merlin and her stop walking. 'The magic does not make you more than you appear to be. It is the man you are. The wise, kind and intelligent man that kept shining through the guise of the servant and that is now thriving.'</p><p>Merlin is at a lost for words. He clears his throat and tries to look away from Mithian's captivating gaze. '... I know that Queen Annis did not say anything to Arthur and Gwen about us. Nor Vivian and Elena.'</p><p>Mithian winces. 'I do not know about Queen Annis but I know that Vivian is still upset about Arthur. She knows it is not his fault that she was enchanted but all the years she lost when she was forced to love him make it hard for her to think... kindly about him. So I am not surprised she did not say anything. And Elena is always mindful of her feelings.'</p><p>'I wonder if you will. I know that your departure from Camelot was not a delicate one but I also know you keep a truce with the kingdom and its sovereigns.'</p><p>Mithian looks at him with mirth. 'Worried that I'll reveal your secret?,' she teases.</p><p>Merlin chuckles. 'Maybe. It is not much of a secret any longer but...'</p><p>'You are wary about Arthur's reaction.'</p><p>He nods. 'I would prefer that he hears about it from myself.'</p><p>'And yet I have not heard about a future visit to Camelot,' she says with a inquiring gaze.</p><p>Merlin smiles grimly. 'It is because I have not found the courage yet.'</p><p>Mithian steps closer to him and lightly touches his left hand. Merlin stills. 'I will keep mum until you do. And once you feel ready, you can count on me to be there for you and offer you my support.'</p><p>'Yes?'</p><p>'<strong>Yes</strong>.'</p><p>*</p><p>'How was your walk with Mithian?,' Morgana smiles like the cat that caught a nest full of birds.</p><p>Merlin reddens. 'It was fine,' he tries to brush off.</p><p>His friend grins mischievously. 'I'm sure it was,' she purrs.</p><p>Merlin rolls his eyes and settles on the other side of the table, next to a grinning Lancelot.</p><p>'Don't you have better things to do? Like the preparations of Imbolc?'</p><p>Morgana waves a hand in the air. 'Gilly is taking care of it.'</p><p>Merlin stares at his friend with surprise. 'You are?'</p><p>'The students have ideas,' Gilly answers. 'And it is only the second one we will celebrate since our arrival in the Perilous Lands. I thought that everyone should be involved.'</p><p>Lancelot nods and turns to face him. 'Everything is taken care of. So tell us. How was your walk with the Princess?'</p><p>Merlin sends a betrayed look his way while Morgana and Gilly let their mirth explode in loud giggles.</p><p>*</p><p>Lady Elaine opens the next Council's session: 'We are here to talk about our treaties with the many kingdoms that make Albion.'</p><p>'If I dare say,' Herald, an eighty years old sorcerer with gnarled hands but keen eyes, voices, 'Albion has not been built yet.'</p><p>Alator, who is always prompt to defend Morgana and Merlin (and may entertain a violent antagonism for everything Herald does and says), grabs his staff and taps it sharply against the table, making a loud sound resonates in the chamber and causing them all to wince. 'It is on his way. We have never been as close to it as we are now. The Perilous Lands are a thriving Kingdom where both magical and non-magical beings live in harmony. And neighbouring Kingdoms are sending missive every week to meet with us and makes treaties with us.'</p><p>'It has not been built yet,' Herald (who may feel the same way about Alator as Alator does him) repeats, ignoring his words.</p><p>Alator presses his lips.</p><p>Merlin and Lancelot exchange a loaded look across the table's corners.</p><p>(Yes, the Council's table is a square one and not a round one. Merlin and Lancelot both insisted on it. Because while they are all equals in each other's eyes and a round table would have been a physical proof of it, the symbolism reminded them both too fiercely of Camelot. And its King. And its Queen. And its knights. And the oaths they both broke.)</p><p>'And it is why we make treaties,' Alator pushes.</p><p>He raises his staff with the obvious intention to knock it against the table for the second time, and they all brace for the sound it will make, when Iseldir levels a hand and stops his movements.</p><p>'My friends. Please. Calm yourselves.'</p><p>Alator takes a profound exhale while Herald continues to fix the void in front of him. Lady Elaine looks as exasperated as Merlin feels (but Lady Elaine always looks exasperated, so Merlin does not feel much sympathy for her) and begins to tap her foot against the floor in impatience.</p><p>'It is true that Albion has not been born yet but it is because its conception is still on his way,' the druid peacefully adds.</p><p>Merlin sees Morgana pursing her lips while Gilly tries to hide his giggles behind a cough.</p><p>'<em>Why is Iseldir talking about conceptions and births? Is he not aware that Beltane is still several months away</em>?,' he hears Aithusa grumble in his head while she lounges next to Morgana on the table.</p><p>Merlin's lips quirk up.</p><p>'Now, I suggest we listen to Lady Elaine before we continue to uselessly fight each other. My Lady, if you please.'</p><p>'Thank you,' Elaine speaks slowly, looking quite aggravated. Merlin notices Morgana muffling a quick chortle behind her hand. 'As I was saying, we need to talk about our alliances. We have secured several with the Kingdoms of Caerleon, Gawant and Anglia. And recently Nemeth has sent an envoy to secure another.' Elaine abruptly turns to face Merlin, startling him. 'My Lord,' she says with a glimmer in her eyes thant can't mean anything good for him, 'how are your relations with Nemeth's envoy, Princess Mithian?'</p><p>Everyone -and he means <em>everyone</em>- whip their head around to face him with conniving smiles.</p><p>Merlin loathes them all.</p><p>(He is relieved they won't talk about a certain Kingdom ruled by a certain blond King yet. None of them are ready.</p><p>Merlin is not ready.)</p><p>*</p><p>'Do you still think about Gwen?'</p><p>Lancelot stills next to him. 'Why are you asking me that?'</p><p>Merlin takes the training sword Lancelot had been going for and offers it to him. 'This talk about Mithian got me thinking.'</p><p>Lancelot takes the sword from his hands with a grateful nod. 'I do not know if I should be gladden by your words or wary.'</p><p>'You're right,' he sighs. Lancelot tries to hide a smirk. <em>A smirk</em>. Merlin knew Morgana would have a terrible influence on him. 'You all are. I like her. But it is not what I am asking you.'</p><p>Lancelot avoids his gaze to stare at his sword. 'I. Yes, I still have feelings for her. I probably always will. However, I have you. I have our family. The people we have sworn to protect. All of this makes it better for me to live with those feelings. And I genuinely think I will keep on getting better.'</p><p>Merlin studies his friend. 'Maybe you'll find someone else.'</p><p>'Maybe,' he muses. 'In the meantime, I am content with what I have.'</p><p>*</p><p>They celebrate Imbolc and Merlin watches merrily as his people -because <strong>they are</strong> his people, whether they have magic or not, whether they treat him as the Great Emrys, their <strike>King</strike> Consort or just Merlin- laugh and dance and pray together.</p><p>'This is the start of something new,' he hears Morgana voice next to him, her voice full of a cheer he never heard before.</p><p>He is about to respond that Yule already was and that she said exactly the same words when they celebrated it, when Gilly interrupts him.</p><p>'Exactly,' Gilly bellows as he approaches them, dragging a reluctant Lancelot behind him. 'And it is why I refuse that none of you partake in it.'</p><p>'I was not refusing to,' Lancelot argues weakly. 'But I am a knight first of foremost, I have patrols to do.'</p><p>Gilly scoffs. 'Guards can do them.'</p><p>'The guards are too busy playing,' Merlin puts in, gesturing at an assembly of knights and guards playing a card game next to the smith's house.</p><p>Morgana chortles and it sounds <em>nothing</em> royal. It amuses Merlin, even if he knows that his friend would be horrified by it were she not buzzed. He muses, but ultimately decides to let her enjoy herself instead of taking the cup of wine from her hands (though he's definitely cutting it with water starting from now).</p><p>'It is true,' she says. 'You said that everyone should celebrate. It includes the guards.'</p><p>'It includes the guards,' Gilly nods with emphasis. 'And the First knight. And our sovereigns. So if you won't dance by yourselves, I will make you,' he threatens them with a mischievous grin.</p><p>Merlin swears Gilly has spent too much time in Morgana's company.</p><p>*</p><p>'It reminds me of those few days we spent in my cabin,' Morgana reveals several days after Imbolc has passed.</p><p>She is sitting in a chair in front of the chimney in her chambers, while Merlin sits on the ground with Aithusa's head in his lap.</p><p>'<em>I cherish those days</em>,' the dragon tiredly whispers in their minds.</p><p>Morgana hums above them, her gaze lost in the flames. 'I was defeated and chased from the throne I thought as mine for the second time. Yet, I cherish them as well.'</p><p>Merlin fidgets on his place until his back rests against her legs. 'It is because a new dawn was setting on us.'</p><p>Morgana chuckles fondly. 'Nothing as poetic as that, Merlin. I was no longer alone, it is as simple as that. I had the both of you with me and it made all the difference.'</p><p>Merlin glances at Aithusa's gleamering scales and ponders about those days. The little cabin in the woods where he helped Morgana rests and heal, Aithusa hopping from his shoulders to Morgana's with boundless energy. </p><p>'I know what you mean.'</p><p>He has never felt alone since then. And they've worked hard for everyone joining them to feel the same way.</p><p>'<em>I</em> <em>know what it feels</em> <em>like</em>,' he remembers saying to Gilly the first time they met. '<em>I</em> <em>understand</em>.'</p><p>*</p><p>Merlin does not often assist Gilly's classes, despite finding them inspiring, but he felt the urge to that day and planted himself at the back of the room.</p><p>His friend and advisor finds him at the end of his class. 'Does the King feel no shame, disturbing my students by his mere shiny presence?,' he teases.</p><p>'Not the King,' he replies in unison with Gilly.</p><p>'I know, I know,' he placates while Merlin joins him at his desk. 'You say it all the time. Does not it get tiring?'</p><p>'It does not,' he grins.</p><p>'At least I know that it now has more to do with an automatism than feeling inadequate. Slightly. I know you've made progress.' Merlin glares faintly at him. 'What are you doing here, o Great Consort?'</p><p>'I think I prefer Emrys 'Greatest Sorcerer to Ever Live'. It is surprisingly less embarrassing.'</p><p>'Merlin,' Gilly snarks, 'why have you come?'</p><p>'Can't I visit my favorite teacher?'</p><p>'Always. But I feel there is a particular reason you've come today.'</p><p>Merlin wrings his hands and sits on the Gilly's desk. He opens his mouths. Closes it. Opens it again. Looks in Gilly's eyes and finally stands like the Consort of a Queen should. 'I have a feeling.'</p><p>If Gilly was not attentive before he would be now. 'And?'</p><p>'Things are going to change.'</p><p>'Things have been changing from the moment you left Camelot with Morgana to settle here,' he says quietly, distractedly caressing his father's ring.</p><p>Gilly always does that when something is bearing on his mind.</p><p>Merlin's lips form a shaky smile. 'They have. And they're about to change furthermore.'</p><p>'You could not be more ominous.'</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*I'm lightly touching about magical celebrations like Imbolc and Belthane, because they never spoke about it in the show (because of the magical bane, I figure) and the people of the Perilous Lands is all about living with magic and reviving the old ways :)</p><p>*I did not write any actual scene between Merlin and his people because I really wanted to write about the kingdom's structure, their allies and the gang's interactions. Plus, I thought it a bit useless, as it is evident that Merlin did not change in the way he interacts with people. He is still the same Merlin we love that is kind, helpful to anyone and lends a helping hand whenever he can. Just because he is Consort does not change the way he sees and treats others.</p><p>What changes is that Merlin can be finally loved and appreciated for ALL that he is.<br/>(and now that he can,) He even conjures butterflies and little birds for the children whenever he encounters them :)</p><p>**The camelotians will make their grand return next chapter :)</p><p>***Lastly, I did not know where to put this scene and I like it so I keep it. enjoy(?) this missing scene:</p><p>"It is during one of those visits that they decide to settle a matter that has long been left alone.</p><p>'Lord Alined,' Vivian calls while Merlin and Morgana are welcoming the visited king to their doorstep and valiantly hiding their disgust. </p><p>Vivian walks to them and smiles charmingly at Alined. The king smiles back.</p><p>Morgana wants to crush him like a bug and vomit. Preferably, on his remnants.</p><p>'Princess Vivian,' Alined exclaims with mirth. 'I was not aware you would be there.'</p><p>Vivian widens her eyes in delight. 'Because you still thought me to be under your trickster's spell?' </p><p>Alined startles and glances warily around him.</p><p>'That is right,' Vivian continues without departing of her smile. 'I know about it. My father the King knows about it. Everyone knows about it.'</p><p>'I don't know-'</p><p>'Cut the crap, Alined,' Merlin puts in, not caring any longer about propriety. 'We know,' he insists, repeating Vivian's words.</p><p>Morgana can see the moment the man decides it is better to leave rather than to stay and be confronted by what turns out to enemies. He is grabed both by her magic and by Vivian's tight hold on his wrist before he can escape.</p><p>'I think you have a lot to respond to,' the Princess voices, her smile turning sharper. 'Don't you?'"</p><p>Cue Princess Vivian strong arming Alined into a 'peace treaty' that benefits her and her Kingdom (as well as Elena's) way more than it does Alined's, with the quiet help of Merlin and the unending delight of a fierce Morgana :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Confronting the past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sir Leon stands grave next to his seat at the Round Table. 'We are getting more and more reports.' He eyes each of them before turning back to face his King and Queen. 'It is true. Morgana Pendragon seats on the throne of the Perilous Lands.'</p><p>Gwaine sneers. 'Did she steal it as well?'</p><p>Leon gazes stonily at him. 'Technically, the throne has been empty since the late King's ultimate demise. No one had to steal it.'</p><p>'The reports are rather positive,' Sir Kay says with obvious reluctance, his distinguished features marred with a frown. 'And they come from all manners of people. Nobles and peasants alike.'</p><p>'She could have enchanted them,' Gwaine growls.</p><p>Elyan looks at him sideways. 'You can't enchant a whole Kingdom,' he rejects. 'No one can.'</p><p>'Morgana could,' Gwaine insists.</p><p>It is easy to read on Elyan's face that he does not disagree. Yet Arthur knows his brother-in-law prefers to speak with reason rather than to rest on bitter feelings. 'If she did, camelotians would have fought against us the last time she took the throne.' </p><p>Gwaine was never was one to take reason over matters of the heart. He waves his fellow knight's argument away. 'Maybe this Emrys guy can.'</p><p>The rest of them exchange nervous glances. Arthur twines his hands together and muses. </p><p>Not much is known about Emrys. They have learned that he is Morgana's Consort and that he has magic as powerful as hers.  They have found that the people love him as much as they do Morgana (and was not that a surprise, that his rogue sister was loved as a ruler and not feared) and are protective of him. And it is all.</p><p>They don't know how Morgana and he met nor how he has come to be her Consort. They don't know what he has done to be considers as powerful as his sister (and Arthur won't lie, not knowing makes him nervous). They don't know his real name as Emrys seems to be more of a title than a name, the way people have been uttering it. They don't know from where he comes from or what he has done before sharing a throne with Morgana. It is like the man did not even exist before entering the Perilous Lands. Hell, they don't even know what he looks like.</p><p>Arthur hears Guenevere exhale at his side. He turns to face his wife, her beautiful features set into a peaceful face (and not letting any of her inner trouble show). </p><p>'I think,' she says, her voice clear and melodious gathering all of the table's attention, 'that we should send a missive asking for a meeting between our two Kingdoms.'</p><p>No one argues the Queen's decision.</p><p>Not even Gwaine.</p><p>*</p><p>Camelot's missive settles a prolonged silence and awkward glances in the Council room.</p><p>Or, maybe everyone is actually handling it quite well and Merlin is the only one feeling nervous. </p><p>Gilly gives a polite cough. 'It is good,' he declares. 'We knew the time would come when we'd have to face Camelot but them reaching out to us first? It is a good thing.'</p><p>Merlin keeps from blurting that the idea is probably Gwen's because, except for her, no one in Camelot would willingly reach out to Queen Morgana, not even for politics. </p><p>He presses his lips.</p><p>Gilly keeps on going, either not noticing  Merlin's wariness or not giving a damn. 'We could send a convoy of diplomats, made of magic users and non magic users, to parlay with the King and Queen of Camelot.'</p><p>Morgana tilts her head and blinks in interest. 'Or.' </p><p>'Or we could wait until the meeting of the Five Kingdoms happens and meet them there.'</p><p>'...It is only two months from now,' Lancelot quietly supports. </p><p>Galahad, a seasoned knight and Lancelot's second, elegantly bows his head, making his pure as gold hair fall like a waterfall and shine in the sunsray. (Everything this man does is full of grace and charm. Merlin always bemusedly wonders if he is not a changeling.) 'And it would mean the support of allies if things do not go cordially,' he declares with a clear and melodious voice.</p><p>Merlin swears he can hear birds singing in unison with the man's words.</p><p>He catches Lancelot's eyes and the laughing glint in his pupils. He looks away, trying not to let a chuckle out, and relaxes for the first time since Daegal ran to him this morning (and sent him to the ground after barreling into him) to present him Camelot's letter.</p><p>'Your highness?,' Lady Elaine questions, her gaze alternating between her thoughful Queen and he. 'My Lord Consort?'</p><p>Merlin and Morgana study each other. The rest of the councilors fall silent.</p><p>'<em>What do you think?</em>,' he reads in her eyes and the thin frown above her green eyes. '<em>Are we ready to face them? Are you?'</em></p><p>Merlin wishes he could say a big and loud <strong>no</strong>. Because no, he is not ready to face Gwen and the knights after the way he left them behind. Nor to have them learn about his magic and the lies he kept feeding them for years.</p><p>He is not ready to face Arthur.</p><p>But of course Morgana already knows that. They all do. It is one of the reasons why  none of them has pushed to parley with Camelot, because they were being mindful of his feelings. And Merlin is endlessy grateful for their quiet support. It is time he repays it in kind.</p><p>It is time Merlin stops putting his feelings first and thinks about the good of his Kingdom. It is time he stops running away from his past and face it head on.</p><p>'What do you decide?,' he hears someone pursue.</p><p>Merlin presses his lips. </p><p>*</p><p>'You don't have to come with me,' Morgana declares one afternoon, about a month before their departure for Anglia and the peace talks.</p><p>Merlin raises an eyebrow (he has finally gotten the handle on it! He giddily thinks that Gaius would be proud. Before he actually thinks on it and pouts because no, Gaius would most likely be exasperated.) 'I am fairly sure that I do. In fact, I am certain that I must come with you. Because I'm your Consort and Emrys and all of that.'</p><p>Morgana looks dully at him. '<em>All of that,'</em> she deadpans.</p><p>Merlin gives her a brillant smile. Morgana rolls her eyes and huffs. Merlin grins teasingly and refrains from chortling.</p><p>Next to them, seating at his desk, Lancelot looks fondly at them while Gilly busily grades students' papers.</p><p>'She is not wrong,' the head teacher comments distractedly. 'You don't have to go if you don't feel up to it.'</p><p>Merlin stares at all of them: at Gilly that has his head on his papers and looks about ready to tear his hair in frustation from whatever he is reading but still finds time to be wary for Merlin, at Lancelot who smiles confidently at him but who can't quite hide a glimmer of worry in his eyes. At Morgana who acts as prim and proud as ever but who he knows is feeling as uncertain as he does about the upcoming meeting.</p><p>And it is exactly why he can't let her go alone.</p><p>'Yes, I do. We govern the Perilous Lands together, you remember? One can not go without the other.'</p><p>'It might actually be better that one of us stays here while the other goes,' Morgana argues. 'We never know what might happen here during the duration of the peace talks.'</p><p>'It is true,' he gives her. 'But I know what would happen if you were to go alone to that meeting, which is why you won't be.'</p><p>He can't imagine that facing Arthur, <em>facing Gwen</em>, after the way they left Camelot's castle about three years ago would be easy on her. Even if Merlin is feeling anxious himself about facing his old friends, he would never wish of letting Morgana face them without him at her side. It is not how they operate anymore. If they have something to face, they do it together, be it afronting an army of soldiers (damn Sarrum for daring to go after Aithusa) or being faced with Lancelot's disappointed stare (because they did something '<em>stupid and reckless</em>' yet again that did not include him).</p><p>Morgana clenches her jaw tightly and glares at him.</p><p>Merlin continues to beam at her, unconcerned. He knows he'll eventually wear her down.</p><p>*</p><p>(He does not know how to get rid of that fear. He knows it is irrational. He is no longer a magic user in hiding, he no longer has to fear the pyre or the axe for practicing the craft. Hundreds of people know him, hundreds more know of him.</p><p>And yet he is afraid. Everytime he thinks of Arthur and Camelot he remembers the man (boy) he used to be, the foolish lad that would perform magic recklessly but who was terrified of being seen. He'd remember the fear that permeated the castle's walls, the lower town's streets, the isolated villages and its more isolated citizens. He'd remember the words '<em>magic is pure evil</em>' and imagine the hurt on Arthur's face once he'd find someone else has betrayed him.</p><p>Three years and he still fears Arthur's crushing hurt and disappointment more than anything.)</p><p>*</p><p>'I don't like it,' Gwaine comments as he mounts his horse.</p><p>Arthur rolls his eyes. 'You have been saying that for the last two weeks. May I remind you that you are not obligated to come, <em>Sir</em> Gwaine.'</p><p>Gwaine sends him that look he only ever uses on Arthur and reads: '<em>oh you great dunce</em>'. Arthur bristles. Gwaine smirks. 'I know I don't have to come. But someone has to make sure the witch does not take advantage of your good will to curse your arse, sir.'</p><p>'Do not speak about my backside, Sir Gwaine.'</p><p>'But it is such a nice arse,' he teases with laughter in his stupid eyes.</p><p>'I concur,' he hears his wife whisper with mirth at his side. </p><p>King Arthur Pendragon does not blush.</p><p>*</p><p>'Thank you for coming,' she quietly voices.</p><p>He stares at her green eyes and remembers another time and another pair of eyes.</p><p>He nods his head and thinks <em>there is no other place I'd rather be than by your side.</em></p><p>*</p><p>Merlin and Morgana are amongst the first to arrive in Anglia. Which means that he is has all the time to find a window overlooking the courtyard and witness Arthur, Gwen and their retinue's arrival when they step foot in it.</p><p>He feels Elena settle at his side. </p><p>The Princess watches with him as Arthur descends from his horse and walks to help his chosen Queen dismounts her own. She catches Merlin's hands. 'Whatever happens, you and Morgana have our support.'</p><p>Merlin presses her hand.</p><p>*</p><p>It takes several days for all of the royals to arrive at Olaf's Court for the peace talks. Gwaine does not bother to count them past the two first days he spends in Anglia. Because those two first days are sufficient to rock his world.</p><p>It happens like that: he learns about Morgana and her Consort's early arrival and decides to seek more information on the man for the safety of his King and Queen. Gwaine has not cared for the other royals's good words nor for hearsay. Nothing could change his mind:  Morgana is evil and her Consort nothing better. It is his duty to search for and find weaknesses to exploit when the couple untimately decide to spurn Arthur and Guenevere's good will and attack them.</p><p>Then a Nemeth courtier shows him Emrys.</p><p>Gwaine is shocked to discover his old friend Merlin exchanging words with Princess Mithian. Shocked but also relieved and overwhelmed with joy and excitment.</p><p>Then he registers the courtier's words and reels back from the blow. </p><p>*</p><p>Gwaine questions the courtier and finds that:</p><p>Merlin is not married to Morgana (that is a humonguous relief).</p><p>Merlin has magic (that admitedly comes as a surprise, although now that he thinks about it, he discovers that he was a dimwitted moron for having dismissed all the hints and obvious clues that pointed to Merlin having magic. Hell, he is pretty sure the lad used magic mere minutes after he first met him).</p><p>Merlin was born with magic (not very much of a surprise. With the ban on magic accross the lands, and the deadly punition in Camelot, anyone willingly taking the craft is either a moron or suicidal. And Merlin was neither. Which point to a third solution: he had no choice in the matter and had to keep his magic hidden).</p><p>Merlin is not under the witch's influence but works <strong>willingly with her</strong> (he realises that Merlin is the reason Morgana stopped going after Camelot. He left to find her and help her build a safe haven for all magic users, put her on a bloodless path and gave her a throne).</p><p>(He also finds that Merlin is very close to Princess Mithian and that his Consort (<strong><em>?!!!!!!!!!!!</em></strong>) <em>teases</em> him about wedding bells and an alliance with Nemeth.)</p><p>What to tell his King and Queen? What to tell Arthur without breaking his King's heart and push him to go after Merlin?</p><p>(What hadn't Merlin told Gwaine all those years ago? Gwaine would have gone with him, even if it meant he'd have to share space with the witch. Merlin was his best friend, he would have gone everywhere with him.) </p><p>Gwaine holds his tongue for the entire third day until he cannot keep silent any longer and, brimming to the fill with unanswered questions, decides to confront  Merlin and finally obtain responses. </p><p>*</p><p>It is not exactly the reunion he had been expecting. Gwaine spent goddamn years imagining attacking Merlin with an exuberant hug and never letting him go. </p><p>Instead, it takes them only minutes to get red in the face and scream at each other.</p><p>Finally, Gwaine can not take anymore of Merlin's nonsensicals '<em>I had to</em>', '<em>she needed me more than you</em>, '<em>I needed her</em>' and snaps: 'If you care so much about her then why did you agree to meet with us?!'</p><p>'I was not about to let Morgana afront you alone.'</p><p>Gwaine steps back, struck. It only takes half a heartbeat for his shock to turn into blind rage. 'Morgana was never the one in danger,' he snarls.</p><p>Merlin's gaze softens. It wounds Gwaine to know that the gesture is not only meant for him but for <strong>her</strong> as well. 'I know that you never knew her like I did, Gwaine,' Merlin replies with a calmer voice. It is filled with understanding and empathy and hearing it scorches him. 'I know that from your perspective, all Morgana has ever done is hurting others. I know she hurt you. And I don't expect you to forgive her for what she did. Or me, for the part I played in her recovery.' Gwaine pales. 'But the Morgana I know, she was in danger. She was afraid and had good reason to be. She was hurt. By Uther and his persecution. And Arthur who always seemed to hold the same ideas as his father. It only got worst when Morgana learned she had magic and that she was Uther's daugther. Fear turned into anger that turned into hatred. She is better now but I could not let her come alone to face her past in good conscience.'</p><p>Gwaine, considerably calmer (or is it just tiredness catching up to him?), responds: 'You have magic, Merlin. You must have been afraid too. Terrified. But you did not let it turn you into the monster she became.' </p><p>'<em>I could have</em>,' he does not say. Nonetheless, Gwaine hears the unspoken words too well.</p><p>'I was not alone Gwaine. I had people who knew about my magic and supported me. People who loved me. Morgana had no one.' Merlin winces. 'Morgana had no one alive or that was not as twisted as she had become. Fear. Anger. Loneliness,' he lists. 'It can turn the best people into the worst beings. I was only lucky.'</p><p>No. Merlin was strong in ways Morgana was not and never could be. And he had left Camelot and everyone he cared about to rejoin Morgana and share that strength with her. Support her and love her like others had with him. Others that had not been Gwaine nor Guenevere nor the knights nor Arthur. Because Merlin had not told them. Because he had not trusted them. Because they had not given him enough reason to trust them with him and his magic.</p><p>(Gwaine knows without a doubt that Gaius knows. He is sure Lancelot does as well.)</p><p>'What should I tell Arthur?'</p><p>Merlin shrugs. 'He is your King, Gwaine. Do what you want.'</p><p>Gwaine holds back a wince at Merlin's careleness. <em>Arthur used to be your King too</em>. Except he no longer is, is he? Merlin chose to leave Arthur. Merlin chose Morgana over him. Merlin is Emrys and has his own kingdom, his own people. People with magic that could never be accepted in Camelot. Nor by its King. </p><p>What is Gwaine supposed to do?</p><p>Gwaine looks at the dark haired man standing in front of him. <em>Morgana's Consort</em>. 'Are we still friends, Merlin?'</p><p>Merlin looks at him thoughtfully. 'Are we?'</p><p>His throat is dry. 'I never stopped thinking so.'</p><p>'And now that I have magic?'</p><p>'You had magic before I just did not know it. It doesn't change anything to me. You're obviously still the same man.'</p><p>'Not many would think like that.'</p><p><em>More than you'd think, old friend</em>. 'You know me. I am one a kind,' he says instead. Because Merlin is not thinking about the people Gwaine met on his travels among the five kingdoms, he is thinking of Camelot and her people.</p><p>Merlin continues to stare at him thoughtfully. Then he grins. Smiles. <em>Beams</em>. 'I missed you gwaine.'</p><p>'Not as much as I did you.'</p><p>*</p><p>'I spoke with Gwaine,' he says later in the evening to Morgana.</p><p>His friends hums, her keen eyes studying him. 'And how did it go?'</p><p><em>Better than I imagined. Awful. Relieving. He does not hate me</em>. </p><p>'It was good.'</p><p>Morgana keeps on staring at him. 'Does it mean you are ready to talk to Arthur?'</p><p>He never will. But those talks are too important to be disrupted by drama.</p><p>Morgana must notice he is getting more agitated. She holds one of her hands to him, a clear invitation to join her on the settee. Merlin goes without a second thought. </p><p>*</p><p>'I talked with Merlin,' he says the same evening to his Queen.</p><p>Queen Guenevere stills so perfectly Gwaine considers someone could easily confound her with a statue.</p><p>'My apology, Sir Gwaine. I must have misunderstood. What did you say?'</p><p>Gwaine bites the inside of his left cheek. He is doing the right thing, he does not have to feel guilty about anything. Technically, Merlin never told him to keep his presence secret. Technically, Gwaine is not divulging his secrets to his King. Technically, it is only a matter of time (mere days, really) before Arthur learns about Merlin because he will have to stop hiding if he intends to be a part of the peace talks.</p><p>It does not make him feel better. Certainly not when his usually proper Queen loses that upsetting glassy stare to turn hopeful eyes to him.</p><p>'Merlin,' he utters. 'He is here. But my Lady. Gwen. Things have changed for him.'</p><p>*</p><p>The following day, already the third since they arrived in Anglia and Gwaine has to wonder if that dog Alined and the ever vengeful Odin will ever grace them with their presence, Gwaine is accosted by Morgana.  </p><p>The witch does not look much different from the last time they saw each other (when she was pitting him up against twenty of her soldiers like a runt for a good beating) except that her dress is silver and cleaned and her hair coiffed. She is still smug, still too proud, still exuding confidence. </p><p>He wants nothing more than to wring her neck.</p><p>The witch studies him. He throws her the coldest glare, a hand on the pommel of his sword and ready to strike. Morgana smirks. He bristles.</p><p>'You're full of surprises, sir Gwaine. Aren't you?' He doesn't respond. 'He won't admit it but he was wary about coming here. He only came because he was more concerned about my wellbeing than he was of his own, even when I kept repeating that I was alright. You know him, he always cares more about others than of himself.'</p><p>Gwaine meets her words with a harsh silent. And why should he respond? Because of protocol? Gwaine does not care about decorum, not when that nightmarish woman is here and talking about his best friend like she knows him best because he is now <strong>hers</strong>. </p><p>Morgana continues to stare at him with shrewd eyes. </p><p>He loathes her. He never stopped and he certainly won't now that he knows she is the reason he lost Merlin for three years. </p><p>(Gwaine did not understand why Merlin left. Gwaine was hurt when his friend left. The fact that he now knows where Merlin was and why he decided to leave somehow hurts him more and less. More because Merlin left for <em>Morgana</em>, of all people. Less because he now knows with certitude Merlin is alright and safe and happy.)</p><p>He is only relieved that Merlin was never hurt by her and chose to leave instead of being forced to. Relieved that his friend is genuinely content. The witch nods like they've come to some sort of silent agreement, and maybe they have. As long as Merlin is happy and loved and cared for, Gwaine has no reason to run her through with his sword.</p><p>'I honestly am sorry for what I did to you,' are her parting words.</p><p>Gwaine is left stunned in his place.</p><p>(He hates her, he loathes her. He wants to rip her into shreds and redden the walls with her spilled blood. How could Merlin leave them for her?</p><p>He is jealous as hell that Merlin did. Merlin cared enough for Morgana to leave everyone he loved behind to join her spiteful, murderous and bitter self. When Merlin never trusted Gwaine enough to confide his secret to him.</p><p>Gwaine loves Merlin. But he finds that having the man back in his life fucking hurts.)</p><p>*</p><p>The first thing she thinks when Gwaine tells her about Merlin is: <em>how am I going to tell this to Arthur?</em></p><p>She spends the night and the following morning trying to answer this question without finding a satisfying answer. Past the lunch her husband and her share in their shared room (as the rulers of the different kingdoms only get together at dinner times, and even then some of then decide not to always join, which she guesses Merlin takes advantage of so as to avoid Arthur further) she decides to seek Merlin and obtain some answers for herself before settling on the best way to reveal everything to Arthur.   </p><p>...she find Morgana instead.</p><p>The both of them freeze where they stand, eyeing each other. Guenevere distantly notices that they somehow managed to find themselves completey alone in the castle's corridor, with not even a passing servant in sight.</p><p>It is eerily reminiscent of the last time she encountered Morgana: the both of them facing each other with swords between them (and Morgan winning). </p><p>She shakes that thought away. Arthur and her agreed to give the Perilous Lands a chance. The fact that Merlin is now a part of the equation should not impact her decision, not when her own feelings about Morgana did not.</p><p>Thinking about Merlin. '<em>Where is Merlin?</em>,' she intends to ask. 'Did he leave on his own volition?,' she inquires instead.</p><p>Morgana's face is unreadable. 'Yes, he did. He could have come back any time to Camelot, Gwen. He chose not to.'</p><p><em>Don't call me that</em>, is on the tip of her tongue. Instead, Guenevere studies the woman before her and finally lets go of the final doubts she held. There really is no trace of the Morgana that left their kingdom in shambles. The woman who is facing her is the Morgana she always saw in their shared youth. The fierce, proud, protective woman born to be Queen.</p><p>'Why?,' she can not help but ask.</p><p>
  <em>Why did he never tell us? Why did he leave with you? Why won't he see us now? Why did he not trust me with the truth?</em>
</p><p><em>Why did not </em>you<em>?</em></p><p>'Because magic is banned in Camelot.' <em>Because we could not</em>, she hears. 'Merlin and I built a kingdom where it is accepted. Taught. Loved. Cherished. When no one has to fear for their life. Whether they possess magic or not.'</p><p>Guenevere stands straighter even as she remembers Uther Pendragon and Camelot under its reign. 'I never wanted that. Not for either of you.'</p><p>Morgana nods her head in ackowledgment. 'I know. Just like we never wanted to put you in danger. Which you would have been, had you known the truth.'</p><p>'Then why did you threaten me?' <em>Why going after me if you still cared for me?</em></p><p>Morgana smiles a tired smile. 'I am a seer,  Gwen. It means I have visions of the future. I saw you become Queen years before Arthur placed a crown on your head. And I had plans for Camelot. Plans that I could I not put in motion if a Queen was already sitting on its throne. It was nothing personal.'</p><p>'You used to be my friend,' she finally voices after all those years. She hears the trembles in her voice. She is sure it does not escape Morgana's notice but this show of weakness does not matter to her. Not when she stands regally in front of her fellow Queen but can not escape seeing the girl she grew up with. 'It was personal for me.'</p><p>Something flashes in Morgana's eyes but it is too fast for her to read. (Once Guenevere, when she had still been Gwen, had known Morgana better than she did herself.) 'I am deeply sorry for the hurt I caused you.'</p><p>Her breathe gets caught in her throat. Guenevere never expected Morgana to feel sorry for what she did to her. Even less apologize for it.</p><p>'If you still desire to see Merlin,' she says, obviously changing the subject to a slightly less personal one, 'you should go to the west gardens. Merlin especially loves the corner next to the pear trees. He finds it peaceful.'</p><p>'Morgana,' she calls before her sister-in-law can leave. Morgana stops and glances her way. 'I am sorry as well.'</p><p>
  <em>For not seeing your dismay when you needed me. For choosing Arthur over you when I did not know there was a choice to make. Sorry not to be sorry about loving Arthur more than you. Sorry that the girls we used to be can no longer be friends.</em>
</p><p>'I know,' she says.</p><p>*</p><p>True to Morgana's words, Guenevere finds Merlin in a summer garden next to a corner of pear trees. Merlin is standing near  a bush of white lilies.</p><p>Mithian is also there, standing next to him and staring at him unabashedly.</p><p>Merlin keeps looking at the flowers. The blush on his cheeks gets more pronounced.</p><p>Guenevere would be intrigued by this scene if she had not already known about the rumors concerning Mithian courting Emrys. Instead, she clears her throat to announce her presence and succeeds in startling the two lovebirds.</p><p>Mithian offers her a genuine smile, even if she glances warily at Merlin. </p><p>Merlin stares at Guenevere.</p><p>...and suddenly she is Gwen, the lady's Morgana maid, and she is smiling at a young man in the stocks.</p><p>
  <em>'Arthur's one of these real rough, tough, save the world kind of men and... you don't look like that.'</em>
</p><p><em>'I'm in disguise.'</em> </p><p>She does not notice Mithian leaving. Her entire focus is on Merlin. The man who stood by her when she was accused of magic, who held her in her grief over her father, who gave her hope that her love for Arthur was not doomed, who sent her to his mother when Arthur banished her from Camelot. The man who loved her and let her love him. The man who had been her friend for years until his departure from Camelot. The man who is as far away from the country boy in the stocks as she is Gwen the maid. </p><p>That man had magic all this time. </p><p>There is no: <em>why did not you tell me? Did not you know I would have kept your secret? Even from Arthur? Did not you know I would have helped you? </em></p><p>No: <em>why did you have to leave? We could have showed Arthur magic is good together. He already held doubts, did not you know? Ee could have showed it to Camelot together. </em></p><p>No <em>why did not you visit? </em>No<em> why did not you write? </em>No<em> why Morgana?</em></p><p>She does not say that she missed him. Nor that she was so angry at him for leaving them. Leaving her. Leaving Arthur hurt and gutted. </p><p>Merlin already knows.</p><p>Gwen steps closer to Merlin and embraces her friend.</p><p>*</p><p>Morgana loves Merlin. She is not in love with him but he is the person she loves the most in the world, next to Aithusa.</p><p>It is why seeing him tearing himself apart cuts her so deeply. It is why she can not wholly focus on the oncoming peace talks and proposal of revoquing the ban on magic in all of Albion like she should be but keeps on thinking about MerlinandArthur. It is why she was able to go through that painful encounter with Gwen.</p><p>Morgana loves Merlin. And she knows him better than anyone.</p><p>Which is why she knows she can not let him reveal his magic to Arthur. Arthur is many things: good hearted, courageous, capable of being charming and sometimes sweet. But he is also brash, an oblivious dunce and has the Pendragon temperament. And most of all her dear brother has Uther's view of magic. It is why she could never tell him she has magic. And it is why she decides to tell him of Merlin's magic herself.</p><p>Better she takes the brunt of his anger rather than Merlin. Morgana can take it, Morgana can parry back and defend herself. Morgana knows Merlin would be too hurt and resigned to defend himself if Arthur were to lose it.</p><p>*</p><p>'Hello dear brother,' she purrs when Arthur opens his guest chamber.</p><p>She can see the minute gesture he does to close the door. She can see the wariness and curiosity figthing on his face and the latter winning over the former.</p><p>'Morgana.'</p><p>'You and I have things to discuss.'</p><p>*</p><p>Arthur laughs when she tells him.</p><p>'That is not possible. Whatever reason you have to come here and sully Merlin's memory is disgusting. And I don't want to hear it. Get out.'</p><p>She chooses not to ponder on his choice of words, treating Merlin as if he is dead instead of on an extended leave. 'Don't tell me you have never noticed the strange things that always happened whenever Merlin was around.'</p><p>Arthur stares impassively at her.</p><p>'Branches falling on bandits, enemy soldiers loosing their footing suspiciously or getting knocked out by strange winds. Self igniting fires?'</p><p>Morgana can not believe that no one noticed. Merlin was never a subtle person but pile one strange thing on another, and another, and another and the truth gets even more evident.</p><p>And yet, no one in Camelot ever did.</p><p>'It had nothing to do with Merlin,' he rejects too rapidly.</p><p>Morgana narrows her eyes. Could it be that Arthur had suspected but unconsciously, or very deliberately, hide the truth from himself as not to damage the memory he had of Merlin and their friendship?</p><p>She understands that for Arthur, it is impossible Merlin could have lied and betrayed him. Because of their bond and the trust he put in him.</p><p>But Merlin had. And Merlin did. And for all that Morgana resents her brother for too rarely questionning Uther's decisions and never questionning the validity of the magical ban, thus backing her and Merlin into corners, she understands how much it must hurt him. And she empathises with him.</p><p><em>If she was in his place, she would be just as devastated</em>.</p><p>'Merlin was born with magic,' she continues, relentless. 'He came to Camelot because his powers were becoming too obvious for Ealdor's people. And he stayed in Camelot for you. Despite your stance on magic. Despite you following in Uther's footsteps. He stayed.'</p><p>Arthur's eyes glazed over.</p><p>'Now he lives in the Perilous Lands with me and governs it with me.'</p><p>'Emrys,' her brother whispers.</p><p>'Emrys is the druids' name for Merlin. And it is Merlin that rules with me, because he has magic but also because he and I balance each other completely.'</p><p>Arthur winces. </p><p>'He helps settle disputes between magic users, he uses magic to make children squeal in glee, he uses magic to make the crops grow faster. He uses magic to do good because magic is neither good nor evil, the <em>user</em> is and there is no one better than Merlin.'</p><p>'Merlin has magic Arthur,' she resumes.</p><p>'Why are you doing this,' Camelot's proud King harshly whispers, his eyes staring despondently at her.</p><p>Because Merlin is her friend and she loves him. Because Merlin is her family and her Consort and it is her duty to protect him from all that could harm him. Because Arthur's reaction could cut him deeper than any blade and she'd infinitely prefer to live it in his place.</p><p>(Because Arthur is still her brother and he deserves to know.) </p><p>'Because someone has to.'</p><p>*</p><p>She leaves his room once she is sure he is too shaken to go hunt Merlin down.</p><p>She tells Merlin that Arthur knows and holds him tight when he crumbles in silent sobs.</p><p>*</p><p>The last royals finally arrive and the talks begin.</p><p>Morgana and Merlin sit next to each other with Mithian on his other side. Opposite them sit Guenevere and Arthur. </p><p>Arthur does not stop from staring at Merlin. Yet, she is relieved to see that he never stops the meetings to blurt something aloud.</p><p>When they bring the matter of bringing magic back in all of Albion, Merlin stills and Arthur straigthens in his chair.</p><p>'Camelot needs time to ponder on repelling the ban on magic,' Guenevere announces before Arthur can say a word.</p><p>The other leaders nod in understanding and conspicuously do not look Arthur and Merlin's direction.</p><p>*</p><p>The ban on magic being repelled is voted in most of the Kingdoms in Albion.</p><p>The peace treaties are renewed.</p><p>*</p><p>Merlin and her leave the next morning, with well wishes from Vivian and Elena and a warm embrace from Mithian.</p><p>They are welcomed back first by Grettir then by Lancelot and Aithusa once they have traveled the dwarf's bridge.</p><p>'Gilly is not here?,' she inquires as she throws her arms around Aithusa's neck and breathes her in.</p><p>'<em>Alright</em>?,' Aithusa inquires warily in her mind.</p><p>'He is preparing a surprised feast for your return,' Lancelot answers, his gaze alternating between her and Merlin.</p><p>'<em>Better now that we are back</em>,' she pushes through their bond.</p><p>'If it is a surprise then why are you telling us?,' Merlin demands with a too big smile and tired eyes.</p><p>'<em>Of course you are. There is no better place than home</em>.'</p><p>Lancelot does not fall for Merlin's failed attempt at appearing 'fine' but let's it go for the moment. 'Because you always discover our attempts at surprising you and should have the decency to at least act like you're surprised.'</p><p>Merlin huffs a laugh. 'Got it.'</p><p>'Speaking about surprises,' she says, her face still hiding into Aithusa's neck but her voice loud enough that they can hear it, 'you'll never guess who proposed to our dear warlock.'</p><p>Lancelot gasps. 'No! Mithian?'</p><p>Morgana can <em>hear</em> Merlin blush.</p><p>'She finally asked your hand in marriage, father?'</p><p>'What do you mean 'finally'. I was about to propose a courtship!'</p><p>Lancelot and Morgana snort. 'Yes,' the knight drawls. 'You were going to <em>propose</em> a courtship when the Princess has been courting you for more than a year. It was obvious she was getting tired of waiting for you to take the next step.'</p><p>'Are not you supposed to support courtly love, Lance-a-lot?,' grouches Merlin.</p><p>'There is courtly love and there is what you've being doing,' he deadpans.</p><p>Morgana bursts in laughter.</p><p>*</p><p>Once in Camelot, Arthur avoids their chamber for five nights. When he finally finds his way back to her, it is with red eyes and pallid skin.</p><p>And Gwaine.</p><p>'Tell me everything you learned during our visit to Anglia.'</p><p>*</p><p>The next morning, Arthur wakes up early, puts on fresh clothes and goes to Gaius.</p><p>The next week, he prepares his horse and leaves for the Perilous Lands.</p><p>*</p><p>'With all the excitment and changes,' he starts.</p><p>'And the festivities,' Morgana teases.</p><p>He stares warmly at her. 'Yes, those. With all of that, I did not get the opportunity to ask you how your conversation with Gwen went.'</p><p>Morgana's face shifts and she looks away. 'Like you said. We talked.'</p><p>'...And?'</p><p>'And. I apologised.'</p><p>'<em>And</em>?'</p><p>Morgana's gaze is lost in the distance. Or, he supposes, in memories that are only meant for her and Gwen, no one else. 'And the rest is history.'</p><p>*</p><p>Arthur faces Morgana first. He supposes he should not be surprised, not when she was the one to reveal Merlin's magic to him. </p><p>Then he sees Lancelot standing at her side, and the sight has him take a step back in astonishment. He has to remind himself that he is not here for ex-knights and sisters-turned-enemy-turned-potential-future-ally and shelves the matter aside. </p><p>'I need to see Merlin.'</p><p>'Finally woken up from your apathy?' Arthur glares at her. Morgana eyes him with distrust and something else he can not name. 'Why should I let you in, Arthur? If it is to bring damnation on a criminal of Camelot, you'd do well to remember Merlin Emrys is an estimed member of my Court. An irreplaceable one. If you intend to hurt him, it is war I will bring on your doorstep.'</p><p>Arthur does not outwardly react. 'Yes, I am sure you would love to.'</p><p>Morgana studies him thoughtfully. Lancelot eyes the both of them with wariness but waits for his Queen to make the decision.  </p><p>Arthur <strong>can not</strong> do the same. 'I need to see him, Morgana,' he exhales. 'Not because I want to punish him for his lies and betrayal, although I'd have the right to.' Lancelot visibly tenses at his words while Morgana deliberately keeps her composed posture. 'Nor because I want to fight or hurt him. I just want to speak with him.'</p><p>*</p><p>He finds him with his back turned to him, facing a window, his arms crossed behind his back. Arthur knows he is aware of his presence. He should be angry that the man continues to ignore him.</p><p>He is too overwhelmed by conflicting emotions to be anything but vaguely annoyed.</p><p>He clears his throat, at a lost. Why did he thought it a good idea to come? After all the lies and Morgana and years of silence?</p><p>Arthur feels his eyes getting wet.</p><p>Right. Because he has missed the clotpole.</p><p>He hears Merlin sigh. 'I was not sure you would come.'</p><p>Arthur feels his throat getting tight. 'Why?,' he croaks.</p><p>Merlin is tensed in front of him. And while Arthur can't imagine the face he is making, he can hear all too easily the strain in his voice: 'I did not thought you'd want to see me.'</p><p>'You lied to me all these years,' he reminds him bitterly. 'I think I deserve some explanations.'</p><p>A beat of silent.</p><p>Then: 'I guess.'</p><p>Arthur feels his heart lurch. Goddamn it. Goddamn it all to hell. This is not what he came here for. Yes, he is <strike>angry scratch that he is</strike> <strong>furious</strong> that Merlin lied to him for six years only to then disappear and build a kingdom with his sister (<strong>as if the kingdom he had built with Arthur had not been enough</strong>). And yes, he is hurt that the man he considered his best friend, his only friend, his brother would leave him without a <em>bye your leave</em> and choose to remain silent for years all the while Arthur would worry and worry and worry about him until he made himself sick. And yes, he feels a bit (a lot) miffed that Merlin looks well living in his new castle with his new friends like he has not missed Arthur and Guenevere and their knights as much as they -as <em>he</em>- missed him. </p><p>But.</p><p>But, above all, Arthur is so tired of the drama and all those negative feelings. What Arthur wants most of all is to have his best friend back.</p><p>Explanations, and the anger and the spat they'll most likely garner, can wait.</p><p>'I'm awfully glad to see you again, Merlin'</p><p>
  <em>I missed you, you thrice damn <strike>liar</strike> idiot.</em>
</p><p>Merlin stays near the window but he finally turns to face him. His face is showing so many emotions and displaying them so fast that Arthur does not have the time to even catch one and read it.</p><p>Once upon a time, Arthur could read Merlin like a book.</p><p><em>Did he</em>? </p><p>Merlin's eyes are as blue as ever. Arthur is desparately grateful that that has not changed, which is ridiculous, of course Merlin's eyes color has not changed, <strike>he is not using magic</strike>, there is no reason for them to change, but in the middle of all that Arthur has learned about his old friend, he finds that that tiny detail is the only thing anchoring him to reality.</p><p>His name is Merlin and he has blue eyes and ears that stick out of his head like handles a cup. </p><p>His name is Merlin and once he used to be Arthur's friend.</p><p>Merlin gives the tiniest grin. And it sends the same thrill up his spine he'd get everytime Merlin used to smile proudly at him. 'I am glad to see you as well, Arthur.'</p><p>His name is Merlin and, despite all the lies and secrets that lie between them both, he is still Arthur's friend.</p><p>*</p><p>Arthur takes Lancelot aside on his way out. 'Take care of him.'</p><p>The knight grins fondly. 'Always.'</p><p>Arthur is at a loss for words. What do you say to a man you knighted twice without your father's consent, then died for you only to come back and try to steal your fiance? </p><p>Lancelot's grin turns shy.</p><p>Arthur puts a hand on his left shoulder and squeezes.  He does not hold any grudges anymore. '... and take care of you.'</p><p>Lancelot's eyes go bright with unshed tears. Arthur watches as his lips pull slowly upwards until the man is litteraly beaming at him.</p><p>'You as well, Sir.'</p><p>*</p><p>The last thing he sees when he leaves the Perious Lands is Merlin and Morgana standing side by side, looking more content than he has ever seen them.</p><p>*</p><p>'I think that the moral of the story is that Kilgharrah was wrong,' Merlin muses a couple of hours after Arthur's departure.</p><p>'Hm. About?'</p><p>'Destiny. And Doom,' he adds with a cheer.</p><p>'Hm. Or maybe he was right,' she murmurs.</p><p>(Emrys <em>was</em> her Destiny and her Doom.</p><p>The person Morgana was turning out to be died when Merlin defeated her all those years ago in camelot. She died when he left Camelot behind and chose to stay for the friend he still saw in her. She died when another took her place.</p><p>Morgana is not the same person Uther's hatred and Morgause's schemings had created.</p><p>She is not the woman who lived in fear of a tyrant either. </p><p>She is Morgana le Fay/Pendragon, Queen of the Perilous Lands, High Priestess, powerful seer and born witch. </p><p>She is a Queen that her people adore, love and respect. She governs a Kingdom where proud citizens have magic, and some just as proud don't. A Kingdom where all of them are accepted and treated with equality. </p><p>She rules with the Greatest Sorcerer who Ever Lived (even if he refuses to be crowned King) and is not jealous nor afraid of him. She rules with the person she trusts the most in the world. She rules with her friend.</p><p>She is neither bitter nor angry, scared, grieving.</p><p>She is not lonely anymore.</p><p>The person Morgana was turning out to be all those years ago died when Emrys 'defeated' her. And another took her place.)</p><p>'What did you say?,' Merlin asks, buzzed, the wine in his cup sloching out of it and staining his shirt.</p><p>Morgana grins fondly at him. 'I said: you're most likely right.'<br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*gwaine will always be bitter about morgana</p><p>*the Sarrum heard of the Perilous Lands and saw an opportunity to hurt countless sorcerers. When he heard about Aithusa he tried to go after her. It was without counting on a protective dragonlord and a pissed off High Priestess. Sarrum lost his life in a painful way and large bits of his army. His kinder nephew (who also happened to be a sorcerer chained in his some pit) has taken the throne and is working to make his kindgom better.</p><p>*the meeting of the five kingdoms does not concern only five kingdoms anymore</p><p>*guenevere and morgana's relationship will never be what it used to be, although they will learn to be cordial with each other. </p><p>*yes, the ban on magic in camelot will be lifted.</p><p>*i am aware that morgana did not receive as much love as she did in the previous chapters. it is mostly because the camelotions are there and: 1/ gwaine still hates her for what she did to him and elyan and gaius during her second take over AND taking merlin from him, 2/ morgana tried several times to get rid of gwen and gwen still feels gutted about it (and she does not even know everything) 3/ arthur and morgana are arthurandmorgana so issues are the norm.<br/>but their confrontations also gave the camelotians the opportunity to see that morgana is not the same woman they knew but a better one.<br/>rest assured: once back in the perilous lands, morgana receives all the love :)</p><p>*merlin and mithian do end up married :)</p><p>*mordred (who has become a knight in camelot meanwhile, a bit canon-like somewhere in the background) will visit the perilous lands from time to time and meet morgana's other child. </p><p>*arthur and morgana's relationship will always keep a hint of frostiness, even if it will grow to be less tensed over the years (they did grow up as siblings even if they did not know the true sibling bond between them. it leaves a mark)</p><p>*arthur and merlin will talk and rage (both of them yes, not only arthur, merlin has feelings and he kept things close to his heart that need to be unleashed as well) and cry snotty tears. but they are arthurandmerlin and they'll eventually get through it.<br/>i won't write more about it because this is not a story about arthurandmerlin but about my two favorite magic users and they are exactly where i wanted them to be: (mostly) at peace with themselves. </p><p>THANK YOU ALL for liking and loving this story as much as i did writing it. Lots of love 🌺🌺🌺💕</p>
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